There are some days when I miss the fact that my children are no longer small. I miss that I missed nearly 2 years of my eldest daughter's life. I hate that there is another mummy she thinks about. I miss the babies I lost. I miss the fact that I didn't have a birth child. I miss the fact that none of my friends have babies that I can cuddle. Sometimes, it just plain hurts.
Back in the day when I adopted my two girls I naively believed these thoughts and feelings would fade away to nothing; and thank God for the most part they don't plague me. Just today. I was at the school play yesterday and saw a tiny baby and that longing came back. I know that it will be there for a while and will go again. It hurts though.
I have two beautiful ragamuffins to keep me busy. I work in a school and am surrounded by children. So I am blessed. So I will take a deep breath or two and wait for this to pass. And I will long for heaven when these thoughts will never plague me again. To quote my daughter's favourite verse: He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. There is hope.