We were at church last week and some of the chaps were talking about their dreams which involved lots of sun and olive groves. Neither of their wives seemed to be sharing the dreams or enjoyment of their husbands telling them. On asked me 'What are your dreams?'
It got me thinking. Then my husband told me to read the new book by Phil Vischer about the rise and fall of Big Ideas. Wow, that man had a big, tremendous dream. A dream to take on the giants at Hollywood with his own company. It was a good and honourable dream but it becomes clear whilst reading the book that the dream overtook his delight in God. His dream came crashing down in 2003. The last few chapters of his book are the things he learned from that experience. Through Christians speaking to him, sermons he heard and books he read he know that he had spent years being busy for God. He spent a lot of time just read and praying. He learnt through it all that God was enough.
Here is a quote: "At first I was anxiously expecting God to reveal the next 'big thing' - the next mountain He wanted me to climb - the next life-changing story he wanted me to write. But after a few weeks stretched into a few months, I didn't care so much anymore. Eventually it struck me that I no longer felt the need to write anything. I didn't need to have have any impact at all. Whatever needs I had were being met by the Scripture I was reading and by the life of prayer I was developing. My passion was shifting from impact to God.
There is a scene in C.S. Lewis's Voyage of the Dawn Treader involving Eustace, a boy so selfish, prideful, and greddy that he wakes up one day to find he has literally turned into a dragon. life as a dragon proves so lonely and the dragon skin so uncmfortable that he soon longs to return to his friends, longs to be human again. In this scene, Aslan the lion leads Eustace the dragon to a pool. Eustace enters the pool and tries unsuccessfully to scratch off the aching dragon skin. then Aslan says, "Lie down. This is going to hurt." And with a long, terrible claw, Aslan digs deep into Eustace's skin, ripping it wide open. It is the most painful thing Eustace has ever experienced, but when it is over, he stands up, a boy again. Reborn.
God could have spared me from the pain of Big Idea's collapse. He could have speared me from the consequences of my own mistrakes and missteps. But He didn't. And it wasn't about "God and Big Idea". I was about "God and Phil". My ambition, my dreams, my misplaced sense of identity and value were dragged kicking and screaming up onto the altar. And now they were dead. Ripped apart like dragon skin.
I realised this when I heard myslef say to my wife one night, "I don't want to write anything". I as ready to be done, if that's what God wanted. To just rest in Him and let everything else fall away. At long last, after a lifetime of striving, God was enough. Not God and impact or God and ministry. Just God."
This just spoke volumes to me. I want my life to be about 'Just God' but am scared at what that might mean. My dreams have to be that I will be in the centre of God's will and do the good works that GOD has prepared for me. He will show me but they are not for me to be concerned about.
So if you get a change read: 'Me, Myself & Bob. A True Story about Dreams, God and Talking Vegetables.' It spoke volumes to me and may God use it to get me living for God and not what I can do for Him.