Thursday, 28 October 2010
Not my daughters?!
I am sorry Mrs .... but yes you can hear your daughters having a (at the top of their lungs) conversation with some of the other neighbourhood children describing in graphic detail their respective sicknesses. Yes, in great detail. They just don't get this quiet and decorum bit yet at all. Oh brother, I ask you? What will I do with them? Swiss Finishing School, methinks. Aren't girls supposed to be delicate and dainty - sugar and spice and all things nice? Why do mine sound more like the opening 20 minutes of the first Shrek film?
Prayer
I really wish I could say I was a prayer warrior. Someone who took all and everything to God in a never-ending conversation. I am afraid I can't tell you that.
Just recently at a Bible study I go to I shared how I find prayer really difficult. In fact, I told the ladies that sometimes I find prayer scary. I am afraid of what the answers may be and how I will react to them! I look back at some of the big prayers I have prayed and still can't work out why I got NOs. Some of my biggest struggles with prayer are in regards to my family. Being a wife and a mum was a large part of my desires when I was a little girl. Family life has not always been easy for me (I really can't explain all here as I am just too British: Stiff-upper lip and all that). I thought having children would be a piece of cake: after all miscarriage and having problems with child-bearing are genetic right? Umm, no. I prayed some specific prayers but still got the answer NO. After 8 years of various struggles I had my 2 girls. And being a mum has been full of things I would never have dreamed of: good and bad.
I still pray. Although, sometimes big stuff I am reluctant to bring to God. The answers scare me. So I will keep going on and one day I will be able to trust fully again. Christians tell me that God has my good at the centre of His thinking (which in many respects I know and believe) and then they spend hours worrying about small things, sometimes to the point of inactivity. I am afraid Christians can be glib sometimes. I know I have btdt many a time.
Having said all that. I came home and wished I hadn't been so open. Now these ladies know something that I haven't shared with anyone (except my husband); at least not to the extend I told them. I am a PK and a PW so prayer should be easy for me!?!?! Later that day I was surfing the internet and I came across a website that has really helped me. Someone else understood how I think sometimes. My thoughts on infertility, not being able to be pregnant, bear a child, losing a few months of your child's life etc etc.
I read this article. Story a little different but someone understood. Maybe, if I can understand that my feelings in this are perfectly normal then I will be able to untangle my problems with prayer and trust.
Just recently at a Bible study I go to I shared how I find prayer really difficult. In fact, I told the ladies that sometimes I find prayer scary. I am afraid of what the answers may be and how I will react to them! I look back at some of the big prayers I have prayed and still can't work out why I got NOs. Some of my biggest struggles with prayer are in regards to my family. Being a wife and a mum was a large part of my desires when I was a little girl. Family life has not always been easy for me (I really can't explain all here as I am just too British: Stiff-upper lip and all that). I thought having children would be a piece of cake: after all miscarriage and having problems with child-bearing are genetic right? Umm, no. I prayed some specific prayers but still got the answer NO. After 8 years of various struggles I had my 2 girls. And being a mum has been full of things I would never have dreamed of: good and bad.
I still pray. Although, sometimes big stuff I am reluctant to bring to God. The answers scare me. So I will keep going on and one day I will be able to trust fully again. Christians tell me that God has my good at the centre of His thinking (which in many respects I know and believe) and then they spend hours worrying about small things, sometimes to the point of inactivity. I am afraid Christians can be glib sometimes. I know I have btdt many a time.
Having said all that. I came home and wished I hadn't been so open. Now these ladies know something that I haven't shared with anyone (except my husband); at least not to the extend I told them. I am a PK and a PW so prayer should be easy for me!?!?! Later that day I was surfing the internet and I came across a website that has really helped me. Someone else understood how I think sometimes. My thoughts on infertility, not being able to be pregnant, bear a child, losing a few months of your child's life etc etc.
I read this article. Story a little different but someone understood. Maybe, if I can understand that my feelings in this are perfectly normal then I will be able to untangle my problems with prayer and trust.
Friday, 22 October 2010
Tightning the Purse Strings
Not that I own a purse with strings you understand. This week the UK Government have announced cuts and lots of them. As a Nation we owe a lot of money. The good times are about to stop rolling it would appear. I have tried to find out what the cuts mean for me and my family budget but can't make sense of the specifics.
However, I realise that I don't fall into any category of thinking on this subject. I think that we all need to accept the cuts. For instance, Welfare will be seriously hit. I am in agreement if the person could find another way of making their money, if they see benefits as a way of income for no valid reason etc. I am not in favour of drawing benefits for life and believe in constant review. I have seen too many people claim benefits for the most flimsy of reasons. And then I hear (anecdotally) of the 73 year old lady who cares for her 40-something son. He can't work due to a stroke a few years ago. They are not entitled to any help at all. Not a penny. He has paid tax and National Insurance for years. So I am in favour of a complete overhaul of our Welfare system.
I also like the idea of this.
Surely, both aspects of cuts are needed to reduce the debt that this country is in?
However, I realise that I don't fall into any category of thinking on this subject. I think that we all need to accept the cuts. For instance, Welfare will be seriously hit. I am in agreement if the person could find another way of making their money, if they see benefits as a way of income for no valid reason etc. I am not in favour of drawing benefits for life and believe in constant review. I have seen too many people claim benefits for the most flimsy of reasons. And then I hear (anecdotally) of the 73 year old lady who cares for her 40-something son. He can't work due to a stroke a few years ago. They are not entitled to any help at all. Not a penny. He has paid tax and National Insurance for years. So I am in favour of a complete overhaul of our Welfare system.
I also like the idea of this.
Surely, both aspects of cuts are needed to reduce the debt that this country is in?
Sunday, 10 October 2010
Adoption
I have been affected by adoption in a myriad of ways. As a Christian I believe that through Jesus and His death and resurrection I have been adopted into the family of God. I have lots of brothers and sisters that I otherwise wouldn't have. A spiritual connections with people from across the globe (and the internet brings some of them close.)
My 'here-on-earth' children were brought to me by the adoption system of my country. Some of the people I rub shoulders with would like that fact to be erased from history, and hint that the mere mention of the word is somehow wrong. On the other hand, others would like me to believe that adoption is the only thing our family is defined by. I know the impact it has is different on any given day; how my children feel, how I feel, etc etc. My children have very different opinions on their adoption and all the issues that spring from it. The other day I was amazed as they tried to explain to each other their diverse thoughts on this complex subject. If I didn't have a self-imposed ban on photos of them on my blog I would post a picture here. Please imagine 2 rapidly growing girls with pale freckled complexions and red hair.
I assume this video is doing the rounds as I came across it in 2 separate places this morning and thought I would share it here. I found it a good reminder.
Isaiah's Story from 31Films on Vimeo.
My 'here-on-earth' children were brought to me by the adoption system of my country. Some of the people I rub shoulders with would like that fact to be erased from history, and hint that the mere mention of the word is somehow wrong. On the other hand, others would like me to believe that adoption is the only thing our family is defined by. I know the impact it has is different on any given day; how my children feel, how I feel, etc etc. My children have very different opinions on their adoption and all the issues that spring from it. The other day I was amazed as they tried to explain to each other their diverse thoughts on this complex subject. If I didn't have a self-imposed ban on photos of them on my blog I would post a picture here. Please imagine 2 rapidly growing girls with pale freckled complexions and red hair.
I assume this video is doing the rounds as I came across it in 2 separate places this morning and thought I would share it here. I found it a good reminder.
Isaiah's Story from 31Films on Vimeo.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)