Race for Life

I ran this race in 2011.  My running was stopped whilst I waited for Surgery and then as I recovered from it.  Unfortunately, I have not run much this year as I have just fallen out of the habit of training.  Today I have entered into this race which I will walk/jog/run on the 28th May of this year.  I have started training, by that I mean I am going for long walks.  I will do this for a few weeks and then start gently jogging.  I am not sure whether I will run much of this 5k but it is a positive thing for me to take part.  I am taking part with my daughters and one of their friends.  If you want to sponsor us please click on the button to the left of this post.  Thanks.

What is my sacred scared?

I came across this blogging series this week.  It was good to read the stories of ladies who are doing things despite or maybe because of their imperfections.  It is a lesson that I am learning a lot recently.  I went to a Conference and had a great talk with someone whilst I was there.  During the course of my conversation I came to realise that a lot of my fears are based on my dread of being lonely or alone.  I am a people person; I love being with people and that energizes me.  However, I have spent a lot of my life struggling with thoughts of not being good enough to be accepted by people which inevitably has led to feelings of loneliness.  And then it has become a vicious circle.  One which I have fought for years to get out of, but that has made it worse and I became more entangled.

How on earth did this happen?  I was brought up in a busy family of four children, been part of a couple since the age of 17 and have been a mum for over 10 years.  But loneliness and the fear of people not liking me has hounded me for years.  It has crippled me from doing things in case I fail and cause people to laugh.

I thank God, for I believe those feelings are going, if not quite gone.  I can trace them to a time when I moved schools, was verbally bullied and made to feel very stupid.  I can also realise that I was never alone, not really anyway.  As a Christian, Jesus was always with me.  He guarded, kept and guided throughout the bleak times then and since.   It was a real release to sit in the Conference with lots of people around me and for that time not need others to affirm my worthiness.  I know that in Christ I am worthy and He has many a work for me to do.

Happy Heartaversary

To borrow a phrase left on my facebook status.  A year ago last week I had Open Heart Surgery to replace my leaky aortic valve.  I am doing well; having been discharged from the Surgical team and Cardiologist back in June and July.  I pop to the GP Surgery on a regular basis to get my Warfarin levels checked.  Once a year I will need a blood test to check the state of my kidneys due to the blood pressure tablets I am on.  Apart from that I no longer need any medical intervention.  Yippee.  (Although, I have found out I am more expensive to insure.  :) )

When the weather is better I am going to get training again as I am hoping to run a 5k in May.  If I cannot run it I will certainly walk/jog it.  I have not exercised much since the Autumn as I have been searching for a house to buy with my family.  We think we have found the right one so watch this space.

I have learnt an awful lot since having surgery.  On the day of the surgery I was amazed to wake up and find that I have slept the previous night.  It was wonderful to know that God gave the grace I needed for that day; a lesson that I am trying to put into practice.  I can only take one day at a time; this is coming useful in the house buying game.

I am also learning to try and step back from things which I cannot control.  I need to do the things my skills suit and leave others to do what they are gifted at.  Ultimately, God is in control of all.

I went to a Stress Busters Course; learnt some great things on it and have added them to some of the things I was already doing.  Each day my intention is to write down 3 positives things that happened to me.  I find it really helps put all of life into perspective.  I am planning on writing more things in my quotes book that I kept up in the lead up to Surgery, it has been neglected over the past 6 months or maybe more.  The trouble is I sing a hymn or come across something that is positive or encouraging and then forget to make a note of it.

My Surgery has definitely changed me for the better and I do thank God for His hand upon me all through that time.