This time next week .....

.... I should be well over the operation part of my hospital stay.  God willing I will be in Intensive Care or High Dependency with most of the tubes removed.  I am looking forward to the surgery being in my past, instead of in my future.  Obviously, I will have a long recovery period but that is planned and I should get plenty of medical support. 

So in no particular order of importance, I give you the lessons that I have learnt:

• God is good even when I do not understand what the heck is going on.
• I am not always going to remember that God is good when the worries of life overwhelm me.
• Christians are very supportive.  I have people praying for me and my family all over the UK and in other parts of the world.
• Small manageable routines are great for sanity.  eg, write that diary entry every day.  Look for positive comments and quotes.
• Writing with a fountain pen is therapeutic.
• Take one day at a time as my human mind is not equipped to deal with so big a wait for any longer than that.  
• Relaxation therapy is good and some of that music makes me feel so dreamy and (wait for it) relaxed.
• I am stronger than I thought I was.
• Hospitals and Drs are not all of the devil, they are there to help.
• Sedation is a great way to get through really difficult medical tests. I need to take it if I need it and drop the 'tough girl' routine, it does not suit me.  Not all of us are like my mum who can have some dental treatment without anything to numb our gums!!!
• I am very grateful for modern medical advancement even if it meant I had to swallow a probe the size of a water hose. ;)
• Stop the guilt.  I was hoping to go through this experience with 'that peace' that people talk about.  I have not always had it.  When I stopped feeling guilty about it and admitted that this is BIG and anxiety etc was normal, I started feeling more positive towards the whole situation.
• It stinks having a dodgy heart valve that needs replacing.
• I am not afraid of dying (I know where my future lies) BUT I do not want my daughters to be without me.  They have already lost one mum.
• I am nervous of complications of surgery going wrong etc.
• I would love a rest from life's trials.  Please.
• My fear/anxiety about hospitals etc is part of me and probably will not go away this side of heaven.   I am not abnormal to feel this way.
• The human mind is an amazing thing and can block out huge things in order to make living possible.
• Emotions are strong and can come from nowhere.  I do not want to fight them, ignore them or bury them but just use them to live life to the full.
• People are flippant in tricky times because they do not know what to say.
• Humour is great even when facing major surgery. 
• Try not to sweat the small stuff.
• I love my running and exercise and cannot wait to get back to it.
• My job is great and a distraction from my own thoughts.  I love it.
• People are wonderful and caring.  I have had offers of help (in all manner of ways) from people at church, work and other places. 
• Family is important.
• My husband can cook real food and may be a contender for the 'best cook in this house' title.
• There is always someone in a worse situation than you.

I am sure there are lots more things I have learnt along this path.  I will learn a whole other set of them during my period of recovery and recuperation.  I may blog them when they become apparent but let me leave you with this quote that I stumbled across.