The Masked Sparrow

Rest

2012-02-11T20:21:00.000Z

I occasionally suffer from 'black dog' days. I am not a pretty person to be around during them. I push everyone around me away. And in the midst of them I genuinely do not seem to know how to stop it or the emotional consequences. Like many people of my generation, I don't rest or replenish low batteries much at other times either. Even if I am sitting down watching TV, surfing the net or reading a book, my brain is always on the go. This leads to an overload when something tough happens and it triggers a bad day or two. It causes an inability to see, hear or feel anything properly.

However, I do love music but a lot of what I listen to is 'active' and noisy. I love rhythm but in order to switch off I need soft, soulful music. Music that will calm my heart, mind and soul.

For today this song fitted the bill:

Parenting: My kind of freedom.

2012-02-07T10:22:00.000Z

I thought becoming a mum would be easy. After all, I am one of four children and my mum never had any troubles in that department. I had two ambitions growing up: Becoming a wife. Having children; four of them.

I married relatively young (22 years old) and wanted children almost straight away. I imagined the warm fuzzy family that we would have. Our children would have biblical names and all be extremely well behaved! They would also have delicate red curly hair and eyes the colour of my husband's. I was going to be the most maternal mum ever.

Reality didn't mirror our dreams in any way. I never did manage to carry a baby to term; we lost 4 babies through miscarriage.

Thank God, that our story didn't end there; we became parents through adoption. My family looks different from the one I imagined. My girls have red hair but the curls are nowhere to be seen. Their first names were given to them by another set of parents and their behaviour is often less than perfect. But the girls are ours (don't anyone try to tell me any different) and given to us by God so we still have to do the job of parenting.

I am writing this post to link up with Sarah's Carnival. I came into marriage with lots of ideas/ideals about the kind of parent I would be. However, waiting nearly 8 years, going through an adoption process and then becoming a mum to 2 children on one day shot some of those to pieces! I love my girls but we have had challenges to face. One of my daughters, especially, has tested my patience to the limit and many times I have failed.

The practice that has helped me through the years of parenting is routine and consistency. I remember in the first few weeks after the girls were placed that we went for a nap every time they did. Those scheduled sleeps were a life saver, as were the set bedtimes. Many a time I felt overwhelmed by the long day which stretched ahead of me; 'Oh, my goodness! They have had breakfast, I have had breakfast, we are all washed and dressed and it is still only 9am!' My routines helped break the day into smaller, more manageable slots.

Other routines over the years have poured a salve on my wounded heart after many a bad day of parenting. (Either their tantrums, my reactions or both!): The long bedtime routine, the stories that we read each night and their excitement as to what is going to happen next in our chapter books, the time of sleep/calm after dinner when the girls are home, the Saturday morning walk to the shops with daddy, the Christmas corner that we set up each year, the travel bag my girls pack for every long journey, the nightly bible times we share together, sitting down each night as a family to eat dinner etc etc etc. I love my routines and they have helped me be a better parent. I know full well that spontaneity has a place and that is something I need to learn too but for the moment we will stick with the routines.

God knew that our parenting experience would not be anything like we thought; that we would face things that we could never have imagined 9 years ago before our girls came, but He has guided and protected through the years and will do so in the ones to come.

Perseverance and the hope of Christ

2012-02-04T11:37:00.000Z

This year I want to start thinking of Christian things in a deeper way. However, what I want to focus on is things like my hope in Christ, and how the Holy Spirit can overcome my many fears, and give strength and courage even when life is pants.

On Sunday, I have to do the Children's talk at Church. I struggle each time to think of what to say that might be original, snappy and that will have the children eating out of my hand. When nothing like that comes to mind, I usually give up and search my memory bank for something I said at my last church. I have a few historical characters who are my heroes; and one of them is Eric Liddell. I used to like his story even before I started running.

Eric was born in China in 1902 and died there from a brain tumour in 1945. From my reading of him, everything he did, he worked hard at it. He was a good athlete and a strong Christian and worked hard at both whilst at University in Edinburgh. He played Rugby for the Scottish National Team as well as competing in many athletic events.

In 1924 the Paris Olympics took place. Eric is well known for refusing to compete in the 100 metres race because it was held on a Sunday. He instead, competed the 400 metres and broke World and Olympic records.

From 1925-1943 he was a Missionary in China. He married and had 3 daughters but also continued to run whilst teaching Science to rich Chinese students. China was invaded by Japanese forces in 1937 but Eric stayed and helped many. The British Government wanted him to leave China as the situation worsened. He stayed while his family left for Canada. (He would never see them again.)

Eric, along with other Westerners was sent to Weihsein Interment Camp in 1943. He helped many people while there with food, and other needs. He was put in charge of organising things, taught children and helped out with the teenagers by refereeing football matches for them. He was never observed being grumpy or forlorn. He gave up a chance for release by allowing his place to go to a pregnant lady. He suffered greatly, he missed his family and missed the birth of his 3rd daughter. He did all of this out of His love for Jesus and because this is how he serve Him. He died 21st February 1945 (five months before the liberation of Japan) from a brain tumour.

This man did everything well and worked hard. He ran the race that God had set before Him. It was a hard race; one if I had been on it, would have complained, moaned and most likely fallen at the first hurdle. Some verses in Romans chapter 5: 1-5 say 'Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, ⁴ and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,⁵ and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.'

A quote about Marriage.

2012-02-02T22:04:00.000Z

My husband and I are reading a book about Marriage. No, not THAT book but this one, 'The Meaning of Marriage' by Timothy Keller with Kathy Keller. We read a little each night and have reached Chapter 2: 'The Power for Marriage.'

We read this tonight.

"The principle we have been describing serves as a corrective to a couple of the popular models for "having a satisfying marriage."

There is the conservative approach to marriage that puts a great deal of stress on traditional gender roles. It says that the basic problem in marriage is that both husband and wife need to submit to their God-given functions, which are that husbands need to be the head of the family, and wives need to submit to their husbands. There is a lot of emphasis on the differences between men and women. The problem is that an overemphasis could encourage selfishness, especially on the part of the husband.

There is a more secular approach to marriage that says that the real problem in marriage is that you have to get your spouse to recognize your potential and help you to develop it. You must not let your spouse trample all over you. Self-realization is the goal. You've got to develop yourself in your marriage, and if your spouse won't help you do it, you've got to negotiate. And if your spouse won't negotiate, you've got to get out to save yourself. That, of course, also can just pour gas on the fire of selfishness instead of putting it out.

The Christian principle that needs to be at work is Spirit-generated selflessness - not thinking less of yourself or more of yourself but thinking of yourself less. It means taking your mind off yourself and realizing that in Christ your needs are going to be met and are, in fact, being met so that you don't look at your spouse as your saviour. People with a deep grasp of the gospel can turn around and admit that their selfishness is the problem and that they're going to work on it And when they do that, they will often discover an immediate sense of liberation, of waking up from a troubling dream. They see how small-minded they were being, how small the issue is in light of the grand scheme of things. Those who stop concentrating on how unhappy they are find that their happiness is growing. You must lose yourself to find yourself."

How did that rabbit get in my front room?

2012-01-31T16:55:00.001Z

Now, for those who know me well, it was a shock when I relented and let my youngest daughter have a rabbit for Christmas.

You see folks, I am an avid pet-avoider. (Dogs mostly scare me and Cats make me sneeze and wheeze.) I didn't like them as a child and was certain that no child of mine would ever own one. (I think I said that about girls wearing pink as well, but my resolve slipped there too.) However, somehow in a moment of madness, whilst out with some friends I agreed to buying one of their baby rabbits. So on Christmas Eve we took delivery of a beautiful little rabbit.

It was a pleasure to see the look on our girl's face when she opened the box of chew sticks and the penny dropped that there might be a pet in our house!

I have grown fond of the furry creature that lives in its hutch in our Utility Room. I did insist that it would never cross the kitchen threshold. One cold Sunday afternoon it was brought through our kitchen and into the front room. So the rabbit being in its run is a regular sight in our living space.

My family laugh at me as I talk to the rabbit and show signs of genuine affection. Even I can't work out how that happened. It was instant. I enjoy having a rabbit in our home but there is no way we will ever get a dog!

Charlie the rabbit.
(Charlie, because we don't know if it is a boy or girl.)

Re-train my brain

2011-12-19T11:48:00.000Z

I have spent all my adult life saying 'Can I have a lift, I am sorry I can't drive. Would you like some money for petrol?' As of a few weeks ago I no longer have to say that. I passed my driving test and now am in possession of a full drivers license with my name on it. I am proud.

I haven't done much independent driving yet though. I drove about 1 minute to turn the car around and also moved the car in a car park. I am proud. I need to go out for a proper drive. I also need to re-train the way I think. I can drive without supervision. Eventually I will be able to go out on my own. I am going to take it slowly but the skill is there.

After Christmas I will book a Pass plus lesson in order to do some more driving skills, eg Motorway driving.

I am looking forward to many happy and safe years of driving.

Things I love about Christmas

2011-12-18T15:49:00.001Z

My little 'Charlie Brown' Christmas tree.
Christmas Cake.
Making lots of Christmas cookies and goodies for my family and friends.
Watching my children get excited.
Pondering the Incarnation, how did God become a baby?
Thinking about the wonder of the Shepherds and Wise Men.
Singing Christmas Carols.
Carol Services.
The smell of Christmas spices, cinnamon, cloves, star anise etc etc.
Glazed Ham.
Pickles and Chutneys.
The soft warm glow of a Christmas tree at night.
Christmas Candles.
Warm cozy optimism because everything is different.
Christmas chocolate.
'The Lemon Drop Kid'.
Christmas Dinner.
Christmas Pudding.
Reading Mary's Prayer.
Trying to imagine the look on the faces of Anna and Simeon to seeing Jesus.
Wondering about Mary and the thoughts she had about being the Mother of God. Did she wondered how to wean Jesus? Or how on earth to potty train?
Fond memories of playing consequences with my brother, sisters and parents.
Cracking nuts, it doesn't matter which variety, I just love to eat nuts at Christmas.
Family times and snuggles.
Walking on the beach on Christmas Eve.
Stockings and the funny shapes all the presents inside make.
Watching Dr Who.
Satsumas.
Brussel sprouts with Chestnuts and Bacon.
World vision and alternative Christmas presents.
Wondering what Jesus would think of 21st century Christmas.

I did originally think I would list the things I hate about Christmas but then realised I would appear much too Scrooge-like so I will desist.

Happy Christmas to you all. May the love and peace of Jesus be with you all this Christmas time.

The Slide that I wish I could put on the Church Powerpoint

2011-12-02T09:53:00.001Z

All credit to my brother-in-law for posting this photo on his facebook page with the caption "Get thee behind me Vader."

I just wish I could add this to the end of the Powerpoint to see if anyone noticed!!! Maybe I could slip it in small somewhere.

Whose job is it?

2011-11-09T11:06:00.001Z

Last night we had a church member's meeting. It went well and was encouraging. We covered a lot of ground really. One of the usual chestnuts came up 'Some of the older people can't hear when they sit in the one place in the church where the preaching doesn't reach!' Suggestion: Move. And don't get me wrong I love the older people in my church but sometimes I think the need to sit in the only place you can't hear the sermon comes with being old and in church. Oh and the music is too loud - turn the volume down then. (Note to self: Remember this in 30 years time when ears don't work!)

Anyway, swiftly moving on. We were able to Praise God for the 3 meetings we have held at church for adults with learning disabilities. We have another service in December and next year we hope to hold them every 6 weeks on Sunday afternoons. It is great but it didn't start in a vacumn. For years members of our church have been working with and alongside a local charity which supports adults with learning disabilities. The ground had been well ploughed.. It is also a joint venture between us and another church in town.

In the past our churches weren't particularly known for working together. And this is just one of the ways we are, hurray. Another way, is the course for young people interested in the Bible, Jesus etc. Our 2 churches plus another one from a different town are working together to do this. We have had 2 Sunday nights when the church has had a lot of young people come along. Tea is provided by one of the churches. The young people have been known by one or other of the churches for a long time. Some have been coming from their early years (eg, being brought up in Church families) and some come along to the various youth clubs.

We don't know the outcome of any of these meetings BUT it is wonderful to be a part of it. In my case, that means making a cake and just being there to help as and when. Lots of Christians are involved and each with a job to do. If only we could get this all the time: it isn't exclusively our work. Not one of us can do it without other Christians helping. I 100% believe that God has a work for each believer to do but it doesn't depend on individuals. None of us are indispensable as Christians. It is God that makes what we do grow.

So let us get out there, look around and see what God has for us to do, work together and leave the results to Him.

A Book a Day keeps the cobwebs away.

2011-11-03T10:38:00.002Z

We are a family of words. And lots of them (I kissed the Blarney Stone twice, so I don't know what you expect really.) Our youngest daughter risks disinheritance by proclaiming that she 'doesn't like reading' but we are willing to forgive her because she is very cute. Our eldest daughter is a reader. She loves reading, and will do so anywhere. She even has books in her bed!

Many years ago we started a family tradition! Well my husband did, as a way to keep the girls calm whilst I made tea. He read them a book with Chapters - "Jack Fox Detective". He has fond memories of this from childhood. His original copy had gone the way of many of his toys and books but his dad managed to track down a copy for him. Real life detective work. :)

It was the first of many books we have read our children. Occasionally (at the grand old ages of 8 and 10) they declare they are too old for this nightly ritual* but most times they beg for 'just one more Chapter'. My husband and I take it in turns to choose the book. I have read the whole 'Little House on the Prairie'series to them and am now plowing my way through the 'Anne' books (although our local 2nd handbook shop has discourteously sold the next one to someone else!) In order to restore the balance he reads 'Paddington Bear', 'Swallows and Amazons', 'Dr DooLittle' and the like. He also, sneaks a 'Narnia' book in on a Sunday afternoon! I never enjoyed them as a child but am finding them surprisingly interesting; perhaps the fact that I am half asleep helps. Sadly, we haven't keep a precise list of all the books we have read so with time we are forgetting some.

We have only given up on one book and that was after about 4 chapters. It was the literary equivalent of watching paint dry and that was with my husband condensing the words! So I am afraid to say 'Swiss Family Robinson' doesn't get a recommendation from this family.

And this is a book I want to read because I think it is cool that we aren't the only family to have done this.
http://www.amazon.com/Reading-Promise-Father-Books-Shared/dp/0446583774

* Our nightly ritual/routine goes something like this and happens about 5 times a week:

We have always believed in getting our children nice and calm just before bed. It has adapted and evolved over the years but the essentials of it stay the same. We have tea at about 5.30pm. This is followed by 'jobs' - each family member has something that needs to be done. The girls then go and get themselves ready for bed. About 6.30 pm we are all ready to pile on the sofa and snuggle up ready for story time. Each child goes with a parent and we take turns. Then the reading begins. Occasionally, the non-reading parent has been known to 'rest their eyes'. We follow story time by Bible Time which of late the children have been more involved in as it got a bit stale for a while. After this the children go to bed with kisses, cuddles, 'what to dream of' and we sing 'The Lord bless you and keep you.' We shut the bedroom door and about 75% of the time the girls go straight to sleep.

It works for us. And there have been days when our family life has been so fraught that this little routine has been the only good part. So we stick to it. And plan to for as long as we are able.

So if you have any good Chapter books then please let me know. Answers on a postcard please or alternatively bung them in the comments section.

Lest we forget.

2011-09-12T10:24:00.001+01:00

Yesterday was the 10th Anniversary of September 11th. Yesterday, a decade ago an atrocity was perpetrated against innocent people by other members of the human race. Yesterday, 10 years ago just under 3,000 people were killed in one foul swoop. This doesn't take into account those injured by the events of this day. It doesn't touch on those who have suffered psychological trauma as a result of that terrible day. The children who lost parents or spouses who lost partners are not covered either.

We must never forget those people and their families.

A few weeks later as a response, on 7th October 2001, a war was started in Afghanistan. It still goes on.

Figures as to how many people have been killed during this war are difficult to work out. However, figures could be as high as 47, 000; Military and Civilian combined.

We must never forget those people and their families.

Iraq then came back in the radar of the world's superpowers. Inspections for 'Weapons of Mass Destruction' were hindered in Iraq. So on the 20th March 2003 Iraq was invaded by the US and UK. No such weapons were found, the WMD programmes had been abandoned by the Iraqi government.

Figures for deaths during the Iraqi war are extremely high. As many as 111, 937 Civilians have been killed in Iraq. The number of Military is nearly 6,000.

On top of the number of people killed are the numbers of those injured; both physically, psychologically or both.

We must never forget those people and their families.

This one event has led to a lot of deaths. It doesn't matter to me whether the people who have died are from one of the 115 nations on that dreadful day, from Iraq or Afghanistan. Innocent people are no longer with us. As a Christian this kind of event and the subsequent wars need to make me focus on my attitudes to others. Jesus tells us that we must love our neighbours. Sometimes they will look like me and sometimes they will not. I cannot think wrong of a person just because of the country they are from. Jesus loves all people everywhere.

I didn't agree with these wars but I also firmly believe that once you invade another country you have to stay until the end. I didn't agree with these wars but I will support the Military and their families. (Well those that are doing their job within International Laws anyway!!)

Anyway, these are my thoughts. Well, except Guantanamo Bay and you don't want to get me started on that!

I have gleaned information for this blog post from Wikipedia pages and http://nymag.com/news/articles/wtc/1year/numbers.htm
This post doesn't take into consideration the number of Taliban or Insurgents that have been killed or captured.

Fancy a Blackberry?

2011-09-03T14:02:00.001+01:00

I don't mean the phone version either! In fact, I have to confess I don't really know what it is or looks like. But that is not the purpose of this little blog. The purpose of this blog is to show-off if I am being brutally honest. :)

This morning we got up early (nothing new about that in my house) and went out to find some good old-fashioned blackberries. You know, the deep black-purple kind that grow in abundance in hedges. We live near the country so it was obviously going to be a doddle. Except it wasn't. Thankfully, after risking life and limb, fighting off over-playful dogs, and stopping our youngest daughter from overreaching across a large precipice we managed to find some. Enough to make a pie anyway.

Recently, I have stumbled across this blog: http://mennonitegirlscancook.blogspot.com/. It is in my Google-Reader and most days it comes up with delicious looking recipes which I want to try. One which tempted me enough to make it was a Blackberry Pie recipe, hence the Blackberry finding expedition.

I came home; made the pastry and as is usual when I do that something didn't quite go well. So I did what I always do and managed to squash and squeeze the pastry into a flan dish. Who will know once the filling is put on it?? The blackberries were washed and the custard made. The pie was ready to put together which I duly did.

So after over an hour in the oven and constantly checking on my pie, I am pleased to say that I was pleased with the finished look and, more importantly, the taste.

So for just a little boast some photos for you.

Getting into a pickle.

2011-09-01T15:19:00.001+01:00

I used to make a lot of jams and chutneys. Then we moved and our garden is a great deal larger but doesn't have half the fruit trees as our last one. In fact, we have one pear tree that will produce 3 tiny fruit this year! Our last (relatively small) garden boasted a plum tree, an eating apple tree, 2 cooking apple trees and elderberry tree! We were near to good supplies of blackberries. Each year my husband grew tomatoes which never ripened so we were able to make green tomato chutney. For years, we rarely had to buy jam or chutney!

Our move here meant I stopped making supplies for various reasons, some of which were the lack of fruit-producing trees in the garden. So for 3 years nothing has been pickled or jammed from my kitchen.

However, this year I have made 3 jars of green tomato pickle as well as 5 ordinary jars and 1 large jar of rhubarb and sultana chutney! I have loads of blackcurrants in the freezer and none of us are keen on the taste so I am planning on making some jam. A friend has a large supply of apples which could easily be chutneyed. My problem: is a lack of jars to put the stuff in.

I have had a wonderful time making this stuff and it is good to be back in the home-producing business again. :)

Just some of the finished products, they wont last long in my house!

Spray on Shoes

2011-08-03T17:28:00.001+01:00

I love the film 'Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs'. My favourite line is just after Flint Lockwood shows the class his invention, his wonderful solution to the problem of untied shoelaces - Spray on Shoes. Unfortunately, he hadn't worked out how to get them off!!

It has become a metaphor in our house to take responsibility for our own actions. Life will throw lots of stuff at us and, likewise we will throw stuff at others in our home and outside. I have noticed in my life that it is easy to blame others or circumstances.

No friends - 'People just don't talk to me'.
Lack of Happiness - 'I need something else to fulfill me then I will be happy!'
Lack of status - 'I just didn't have the opportunities others had.'

I could go on but as I get older I know that a lot of what happens in life can be affected by my attitude to it. I have to take responsibility, get up and do things.

Nobody is going to give me qualifications on a plate and that is why a few years ago I went out and got some. I endeavour to study for more.

Nobody is going to invent a magic-pill to get me on a plane. I will have to pray lots and trust God if I want to do that. And I have to do that if I want to go to other countries for holidays and mission trips.

Nobody can force me to be a more positive person. Only I can do that by trusting God, counting my blessings and experience the wonder of the world around me.

Nobody is going to find friends for me and bring them around to my house so they can bask in my marvelous presence. I need to get out there and make friends of the incredible people I already know. I need to pick up that phone, write that text or email.

I can't blame the way I am on the fact I am a Pastor's wife, a Pastor's child, the 2nd oldest in my famiily, being short or wearing glasses. God created me. He gave me a brain and I must use it creatively to live here and now, in the moment in which I am. I am not good at that; I still believe that if I run hard enough I will run away from my own feet. However, I can't, they aren't that bad and if I work with the gifts God has given I will get kind of used to them.

Disclaimer: I am well aware that sometimes life brings up stuff that no amount of the right attitude can sort out and I am not referring to those things in this post. I am talking of the things that we can do something about.

Wise Women and my Great Auntie

2011-07-24T09:16:00.000+01:00

Sarah at Emerging Mummy has written this post recently. It got me thinking about my Great Auntie. In her latter days we would occasionally visit her in her retirement flat in the South of England. Her life story is largely unknown to me now, and if I did know I have forgotten. She was a formidable lady and not to be messed with. If she didn't agree with you then you would know about it but she loved God and people.

I know that after the death of her father she lived with various relatives and was split up from her siblings. Her sister, my Nanny ended up in Ireland but Auntie stayed in England and eventually trained as a Nurse and Midwife. Around the age of 55 she left the comforts of these shores to serve her God in Pakistan; in a School that now boasts its own website! In 1974, she started a 20 year stint that only came to an end because of her heart problems. She was a long way from hospitals and didn't want to be a burden to others when she got her pace-maker. She returned to the UK and served God for a further 10 years here.

When she died my mum cleared out her flat and found a very long hand-written description of one of her journeys home. (It was hard to read as unlike her sister, my Nanny, her writing was not that clear!) She travelled overland from Pakistan via the Kyber Pass to Kabel ; Kandahar; the Iranian Border; Tehran; Ankara and Istanbul through Bulgaria, Yugoslavia and Italy then onto Paris, Calais and across to Folkstone. She landed in the UK during a train strike! Mum thinks this journey was made around 1977 when she was nearly 60 years old! The last words in her account were "It was good to get here - although sometimes I felt I was in a dream - I thank God for His overruling care and love through it all."

My Great Auntie is no longer here to ask questions about her further adventures, and when she was here I didn't know the extent of what she had done and wasn't interested. I need to draw inspiration from her and learn to serve God and people in the same way. I need to stand up to my many fears and take some of her courage. She prayed faithfully and read her bible like her life depended on it (which it did!).

Thanks Sarah for causing me to think of this remarkable lady.

Forgiveness and the Image of God

2011-07-20T17:31:00.002+01:00

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-14199078

This is a fascinating story. One of immense pain and suffering, brought about by inhumanity to fellow men brought about by ignorance. It is also one of amazing forgiveness in the face of a horrific act. As a Christian I can learn from this news item.

I believe that I have been forgiven much by a all-powerful God; I know that the punishment for sin has been dealt with in Jesus, His death and resurrection. Surely, if this is true then some of the forgiveness that Rais Bhuyian has shown Mark Stroman should be evident in my heart, mind and behaviour to those who have hurt me. I should be more forgiving and willing to work alongside people for the good of others. It should be evident in the way I deal with fellow believers.

What about the Christian Church as a whole? What does a story like this teach us? It should be there when we find things difficult. We should be able to deal with people who don't agree with us in a way which shows the tolerance that Christ has with us. Christians should be able to sort out their difference in a loving, calm and patient manner. It should be evident in a way Christians deal with world situations. We should be the most forgiving people living on this planet, it should be in our DNA! I have read some awful stuff written by Christians in response to September 11th and the ensuing conflicts. It has made me ashamed. Christianity is a religion that should be full of grace and forgiveness to all. (I understand the need for repentance and a 'go and sin-no more approach as well but this is not the purpose of this post.)

Another lesson from this news item is that all men and women are made in the image of God, it was the Fall of humans that corrupted something that was perfectly beautiful. However, this story tells us that remnants of it potentially remain in all of us. As a Christian I believe that both men in this story are on the right track and would enter into a full humanity (as God originally intended) through a relationship with Jesus. I believe I can learn from both of them.

I finally did it!

2011-07-14T17:27:00.000+01:00

I managed to develop a back bone and begin the process to change Driving Instructor. My (now) previous one was doing nothing to build my confidence in driving. Her teaching style and my learning style just weren't compatible. I have known this for a very long time but had a weird sense of loyalty to her. I was supposed to have a Driving Test this week which she encouraged me to cancel because 'You will fail!' 'You aren't up to it.' I still had a lesson with her and the tipping point was her pointing out that we would have lessons over the summer, she would assess me and then see if she would allow me to use her car to take my next booked test. I was incredibly discouraged and realised that I couldn't learn under those circumstances and needed someone who will accommodate my nervousness about driving and build confidence in the ability I have.

This morning I phoned her up and told her I was reassessing my driving and would no longer need her services. I also pointed out that I felt discouraged after every lesson and wondered if I would ever pass my test. She seemed completely underwhelmed by me giving her the boot. I have already made enquiries with another Instructor and may take an Assessment Lesson with him in order to have a second opinion. If he is so disparaging I will take the hint and give up. But not yet.

Either way, once driving is out of the way I have to find my bucket list and see what is next on the list of things to tackle.

I love the sea

2011-07-09T16:29:00.000+01:00

I have always known that I love the sea but I hadn't realised how much until recently. Today, my daughters and I went Body-boarding. It was our eldest daughter's birthday on Wednesday and we wanted to give her a bit of a birthday feel today.

My husband suggested going to the beach to play cricket. The girls liked that idea. However, usually we get to the beach and they want to go into the sea, so today we packed wetsuits and body-boards. Thankfully, all last year's wetsuits are still OK. (We do need to buy my husband one but that will be a job for another day!) We drove to a nearby seashore which has a beautiful beach, life guards and great surf. On arrival the sea was a long way up the beach but we still managed to find enough space for our stuff. The girls and I finished getting ready and hit the waves. We had a great time; although they despaired that I couldn't ride the waves correctly.. 'No mummy, like this' was a constant cry. I managed to catch a few great waves and the feeling was fantastic.

After what seemed like 10 minutes, but was in fact nearly 40 we got out as we were all hungry. We had a picnic on the beach after changing into dry clothes. Half the beach still managed to find its way into our belongings.

As I look out into our garden now it is a good sight to see three wetsuits drying on the line and a jumble of pink 'beach shoes' strewn across the patio. I hope it is a regular thing that my girls and I can do together.

Home is where the heart is.

2011-07-05T17:54:00.000+01:00

I have come to know the true meaning of that phrase in the past 3 years, for that is how long we have lived in this part of England.

We moved here and were promptly plunged into a deep grief with the loss of our friend from our previous church. This came at the end of a long period of stress (although my parents don't believe there is such a thing but that is a blog for another day!) It had taken the best part of 6 months to pray and decide whether to move and then we had to say a long drawn out goodbye to our previous church, school and home.

Starting a new place with such a deep sadness doesn't make settling in easy. Neither did the 6 months of perpetual rain, the fact that everything was just so different or that we made some decisions that were too hasty! I struggled for 2 years to feel any warmth for my new home or church. Although last summer I had my eyes truly opened to the beauty of my county.

During this past year I have worked in a place that for the most part has been wonderful. I enjoy my job and have learnt so much. I have also felt more at home at church and have found some great friends.

Anyway, last weekend, we went away with our previous church. It was lovely, I thoroughly enjoyed being with old friends but during the weekend I realised that my heart is no longer there. I didn't feel part of that church family in the way that I once did. I love the people (they will always be friends) but I also discovered that there are now people in my new church and home that I love.

I realised that my heart is here. I still get frustrated with a lot of things but I don't want to go back to the familiar. Actually here is the familiar; God is showing us how to be and serve Him. I couldn't go back to living away from the seaside either (I am desperate to master body-boarding). I love that I discovered that if I cut my hair it would grow again. I am so proud I have become a runner and have entered a race. I have also learnt to drive (and hope soon to have passed my test!) Here is where I have learnt that you can be a working mum and a rift doesn't form in the space/time continuum! I have discovered that I can use the Internet in my learning about God and theology. I have made some wonderful new friends.

To use another phrase, made famous by Paul Young, 'Whereever I lay my hat, that's my home.'

Don't interrupt me, I am reading a book.

2011-06-29T21:39:00.000+01:00

No further comment is necessary.

The Great Bake-off.

2011-06-29T18:18:00.000+01:00

I love cooking and baking. I have a family who appreciates good food of any description. I am blessed that they will let me experiment with different types of pulses and beans (I love them and they tolerate them as long as they are made suitably tasty!). My husband can cook decent meals if I am unable to (eg, Omelettes and Salad, Sausage Casserole and anything along those lines.)

My daughters are beginning to re-discover the enjoyment they had for making food when they were younger. It is great that they are at the stage where I can be in the kitchen and just loosely supervise their cooking. They are great at reading recipes, collecting all the ingredients and then weighing them all out. All I do is check the scales before they move the ingredient into the bowl!

So tomorrow when they have a day off school, one is making Pumpkin Muffins (so I am using Sweet Potato but it needs using up!) and the other is making Flapjack. We need snacks for our weekend away and the girls offered to make them. I am looking forward to the day when they can make me a dinner. Having said all that I do feel nostalgic for the 2 little redheads who needed my help stirring the cake mix.

(On a related note: I am looking for Tray Bake recipes so that I can bake lots, eat some and then freeze the rest. So if you have any please let me know.)

Mummy saves the day.

2011-06-23T11:33:00.000+01:00

Today, is bike day for daughter no. 1. This means she takes her bike to school, gets it checked for safety and puts some stickers on it ('bling your bike!').

On the way home from school last night I realised the shed key wasn't available. The bike is in the shed. "Houston, we have a problem" I said to my daughter in not so many words. Cue: tears and only the kind of drama a girl can produce. Great, this is not the week to lose the shed key and not be able to get to the bikes. When we got home I looked around the shed for the key and couldn't find it. We had to launch Plan B: Take the whole bolt off the door. In order to do this we raided daughter number 2's tool box to find a screw-driver. Thankfully, she had the size that I needed and I was able to take the bolt off, get the bike and helmets out of the shed and put the lock back on. A major disaster was diverted, the tears dried up and I was 'Hero of the hour', for a few minutes anyway. It felt good to be 'Super-mummy.'

Is Jesus focused on Sin?

2011-06-18T09:48:00.000+01:00

I read this quote on a blog post ".... A good mix theologically, as well. We have done a good job so far of emphasizing love and toleration over doctrine.

we are not as organized, could use more leadership, but very generous and giving. maybe too lax with sin at times, but try to be patient. I am proud to be a part of it." Someone replied: "Jesus was not too sin focused either...except when He was dealing with the Pharisees."

I think I know what the commentator is saying but as a Christian I believe that Christ is/was very focused on sin and sinners. He mixed regularly with people that society (in other words: US, more to the point ME!) would find difficult. He didn't seem bothered by petty local conventions of the day. He spoke out against the hypocrisy of the religious rulers often and didn't mince his words with them. But he was still focused on sin, still had the sinful nature of man very much in his thoughts and was determined to do something about it. He hates sin and the havoc it wrecks on the lives of those made in His image.

In the gospels in the bible we read many times of Jesus helping people in a variety of different ways. He healed the sick and often forgave their sins at the same time (sometimes before He healed them)! He stopped the women caught in adultery being stoned; He didn't condemn but urged her to 'sin no more'. He preached against behaviours that could be called sin. After an hour with Jesus, Zaccheus started offering to hand back any money he had stolen.

Also, when saying Jesus wasn't sin focused, I have to ask 'What about the Cross?' I believe that Christ died on the Cross because of sin. He died to take the punishment for sin. He died to reconcile sinful humans to Himself. He focused so much on sin that He willingly did this; taking separation from His Father in order that those who believe will not have to endure it. He focused on sin so that we could have a better life here on earth and in heaven.

I firmly believe that Christians should be focused on sin and sinners just like Jesus. We should go out into the world and preach the good news of Jesus (which includes sin) and help the sick, disaffected etc etc of Society. Jesus did both and so should we.

Adoption

2011-06-15T18:25:00.000+01:00

I am a great fan of adoption, but then again I am slightly biased. My two growing red-heads were brought into our family that way.

I came across this video a while ago and was reminded today when my husband found it again.

I love this. When my husband showed it to our girls today the first response our eldest gave was 'I am adopted twice!' That did my heart good to hear when he told me. I am so pleased to be their mum but also pleased that they feel they are adopted into God's family. It is our prayer that as they grow they will be strong and holistically healthy humans who long to serve Jesus and others. We long for them to be confident in the kind of people God has created them to be.

In His Shoes

2011-06-11T10:01:00.002+01:00

This is cute.

There is nothing new under the sun

2011-06-09T10:31:00.000+01:00

We don't have a TV License at the moment, that means we can't watch programmes as they are being broadcast. For the few programmes we watch we make good use of catch-up services on the internet. This means I am reading a lot more.

I have read a lot of books this year. At least 3 of them brought to my mind the horrors of prejudice. I have read 'An Imperfect God - George Washington, His Slaves and the Creation of America' and was once again shocked about the inhumane treatment of slaves, all because of the colour of their skin. That the slave triangle ever came into existence is beyond belief but the fact that it lasted for so long is incredible. Thank God for William Wilberforce and others who fought hard to abolish the trade.

Alas, our job is not completed as modern day slavery still exists around our world. In the 21st Century.

'The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas' is another book about prejudice. Told from the point of view of a 9 year old boy. Towards the end of the book he has a conversation with his sister and it is obvious he hasn't understood that he isn't supposed to like the Jews. During the conversation he says "I don't understand why we're not allowed on the other side of it (the fence). What's so wrong with us that we can't go over there and play?" His sister tries to explain that the Jews have to stay together, and that they ('the Opposites') can't mix with them. The little boy just doesn't understand this at all and asks his sister "Well, why don't we like them?" Her answer is short and to the point "Because they're Jews,".

Are we any different today? How many people don't mix with 'Opposites' just because of race, colour or some other different feature? Thank God, Christianity (in its perfect form as Jesus created it) is without prejudice 'There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ's, then you are Abraham's offspring, heirs according to promise.'

The last book I want to mention is called 'The Island' by Victoria Hislop. It is a story about a lady who wants to find out about her past. She is led to Crete and finds out things that she didn't know and people she didn't know existed. One theme in the book is leprosy and how people react to those with it. Misinformation and folklore lead to lots of prejudice and awful behaviour perpetrated from one group of humans towards another.

In the UK recently a reporter went undercover for 5 weeks into a home for adults with learning disabilities. He recorded the behaviour he witnessed and then made a TV programme about it. The Carers' behaviour towards their clients was abhorrent; the men and women were abused purely because of their disabilities. Here is a report about it and a video which is distressing.

The awful thing is that the report is recent. It is now. It is no different from what went on during the slave trade and the war. It is sad. We have to use our voices to speak out against prejudice and hatred. And the show the world that there is a hope and a different way in the person of Jesus.

I did it!

2011-06-02T09:14:00.001+01:00

Way back in February (the last time I posted!) I entered a 5k race (Race for Life). I carried on with my usual exercise plan but also went back to running after a hiatus over the winter months. I whizzed through the C25K this year as I found I was able to run without expiring. I eventually got to the 5k run. I admit to running some of them in my house, going round and round the rooms. But I still ran 5k.

A month ago, I ran the whole race around the edge of my town. It was early in the day but it was a beautiful Spring Day. I was listening to my cheesy C25K Christian Indie music that both inspires and makes me laugh. I had a great run and even (dare I say this) enjoyed the run. You have to understand when I was younger I could barely run the first 200 metres of a 1500 run! I would get wheezy just running around the playground with friends. Looking back now I think you could say I had asthma but it wasn't treated and therefore, exercise could be difficult for me. My ability to run now as an adult has come from having my asthma treated and shear determination. So back to that Thursday a month ago. I arrived home proud of myself. I had run a 5k and was on track for my race.

Except that night my small toe on my left foot started to feel funny. I put it down to a bad pair of socks rubbing my feet. I woke up on the Friday morning and more of my foot was incredibly red and painful. Even I knew it was time for a trip to the Drs. He diagnosed Cellulitis and prescribed anti-biotics and some cream for athlete's foot. Needless to say my running (and any exercise) was put on hold for a while, even walking was way to painful. Like someone was hitting my foot with a small brush with fine metal bristles.

I have to admit to being really disappointed that I wouldn't be running my first race, and at the start of my illness it didn't even look like I would be able to walk the distance. However, as those near and dear to me will testify I am a determined little thing. I haven't done any training or exercise (except walking the children to school and to work and back for a month) but last night I was able to run all but 3 minutes of the race. My finish time was 35 minutes. So all the training has paid off and was well worth it. Some of the ladies I went along with managed to run the whole race without a spot of training BUT for the little red-head who would expire in the corner after the smallest amount of physical exertion I have come a long way.

Next goal: 10k .......................

Big But

2011-01-20T09:13:00.001Z

I found this interesting and amusing.

Achievements planned for 2011 - Updated.

2011-01-18T10:50:00.004Z

Ok, so that is just another name for New Years resolutions.

~~I plan to~~ ~~book and pass my driving theory.~~
I ~~plan to book~~ and pass my driving practical.
And then drive with confidence and not crash.
I would like to read the bible in more depth. I have started to read my bible and ask myself a few questions each time. It is helping as it keeps me focussed.
I need to stop letting people make me feel inferior.
I would like to laugh more and smile at the little things.
I am plan to seek out more friends. For so long I have allowed the fear of rejection stop me.
I am going to carry on with my exercise routine. I log my daily exercise onto facebook.
Run a proper race. I have run my first 5k in 35 minutes.
I would also like to join a running club but I need to either a) get my number 2 achievement sorted really quickly or b) or start working on 7 and hope they can give me a lift!
I am going to read a lot more books. I have already read loads this year, given up the TV license and re-found my local library.
I would like to learn more about cooking. I enjoy it. And I am going to be proud of my achievements.
Resume my body-boarding career in the better weather.
To be the person God has created me to be.
To give Debs her giggly big sister back.

I would say that is enough to be going on with for the moment.

Today is national delurking day!

2011-01-15T19:44:00.000Z

I have a tracker on my blog so I can see the location of where you come from. Although since changing Internet provider I am not sure of the accuracy but I think it gives the correct country.

So who are you? How'd you find the blog? Please tell me about yourself. Anything you want to say. I want to know who you are.

I started blogging in order to write down quotations but I write more of how I feel now. I also like to post videos of songs etc. What do you blog about mainly?

Dear Elliot

2011-01-14T09:34:00.001Z

This video needs no other words.

'The Silence'

2011-01-10T10:54:00.000Z

My husband is on a 2 week talking ban. No, I did not put him on it. It is per the Dr's orders.

He has been having problems with his throat since October 2009; we think that he had a throat infection and then went back to work too quickly. He is a Church Minister so that would have had a negative effect. All through 2010 he visited our GP. They referred him to an ENT Consultant who put a camara down, told him it was red and angry looking and then promptly dismissed him from his clinic!

He went back to the Dr in November 2010 who recommended a 2 week talking ban. Can you start now? My husband told him that as a Church Minister with loads of Assemblies booked, meetings at various Old People's Homes and the general Christmas Services that wasn't going to happen. So by mutual agreement they booked the first 2 weeks of January for 'The Silence'.

So my husband wrote a list of all the things he was going to achieve during his 2 weeks off sick (the Church Leaders said he could take the time as sick leave). He was sort of looking forward to the opportunity to get stuff done.

Then he went down with the flu followed by a Chest Infection. He spent the whole of the first week of his Silence coughing and feeling like death warmed up. I think he managed to read some of his books towards the end of the week but the first half was spent sat doing nothing or inhaling Vicks vapour from one of my cooking bowls! (I will not be using that one to cook with again.)

We are at the beginning of week 2 and the antibiotics the Dr prescribed last Thursday are beginning to take effect. He feels somewhat better.

We communicate by me talking and him writing. I can't understand his gestures (maybe that is a good thing) and he has been known to slip into whispering which was banned as well. I am hoping the 5 days left will help heal his throat. It is of the utmost importance; his job depends on it.

Nick's Carol

2010-12-21T18:14:00.002Z

As I am in the habit of posting my family's work, I will link you to this little short story.

Verse 2 here.

Written by my husband. He has 2 more parts to write before Christmas. He has wanted to write a story for years and the dead-line has spurred him on to get it finished. This is one of many he has swirling around his cranium.

Baby blues

2010-12-10T10:35:00.000Z

There are some days when I miss the fact that my children are no longer small. I miss that I missed nearly 2 years of my eldest daughter's life. I hate that there is another mummy she thinks about. I miss the babies I lost. I miss the fact that I didn't have a birth child. I miss the fact that none of my friends have babies that I can cuddle. Sometimes, it just plain hurts.

Back in the day when I adopted my two girls I naively believed these thoughts and feelings would fade away to nothing; and thank God for the most part they don't plague me. Just today. I was at the school play yesterday and saw a tiny baby and that longing came back. I know that it will be there for a while and will go again. It hurts though.

I have two beautiful ragamuffins to keep me busy. I work in a school and am surrounded by children. So I am blessed. So I will take a deep breath or two and wait for this to pass. And I will long for heaven when these thoughts will never plague me again. To quote my daughter's favourite verse: He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. There is hope.

My youngest Christmas Play 2010

2010-12-07T17:17:00.000Z

My youngest Christmas Play 2010

"Act 1: Is it real?
Please can you tell me, is the Christmas tree real? (Taps her chin.)
Shall we go exploring? (Waves arms up in the air.)
Yes, then! Let’s do.

Song 1 - Joy to the World

Scene Change - Set in the Park

Act 2: Looking for trees.
Look here’s some trees. (Pointing to the trees.)
Oh, these look real so maybe the Christmas tree is real.
We need to go and find some more trees.
So come on.

Scene Change - A different part of the Park

Act 3: More trees.
Oh look over there, there is loads. There is about 50 trees. (Waves hand in a big arch.)
Ummm, I am not sure, that is real.
Ah, that is a good idea, go and tap the tree trunk. (Taps the tree trunk.)
It feels wooden.
I am not sure that is real. (She scratches her head.)

Song 2 - We wish you a Merry Christmas (with dance)

Scene Change - At the beach

Act 4: Moss On the beach.
Look over there, I can see some moss. (Points to the distance.)
Oh look out, here comes a car. (She ducks.)
Phew, the car has gone. (Wipes her brow.)
Feel the moss, it feels soft and furry. (Touches the moss.)
Oh look, here comes the parents, now we can sing our song.

Song 3 - Silent Night

Scene Change - The field

Act 5: Grass looks like tree leaves
I have just discovered that grass looks like tree leaves.
Ummm, lets pick some grass and put it next to a leaf. (Puts next to a leaf and compares.)
Well, it doesn’t look like a leaf after all.
What do you think? Do you think it looks like a leaf?
Oh look it looks exactly like a Christmas tree leaf. It long and thin. (Pulls grass with hand.)
It looks like winter to me. There is snow everywhere. (Waves her hand.)
Right, lets pick up some snow and have a snowball fight.
Great idea! Oh look up there, a bird.
Lets attract it into the window by the Christmas tree. If the bird comes than the tree might be real because birds like trees.

Scene Change - A field of cows

Act 6: Why does a cow eat Christmas trees?
Look the bird has gone into the cow field. It has perched on the tree. That means that soon we might find out if that is a real Christmas tree.
Lets go and feed the cows a bit of the Christmas tree. It eat it so the tree must be real.

Song 4 - The First Noel

Scene Change - Home

Act 7: Finding out what Christmas is about.
So we know that a Christmas tree is real because the cow eat it.
Oh but what is Christmas about? We discovered the Christmas tree is green so maybe that is important.
Maybe a light on the Christmas tree means that a light came to the world on the very first Christmas.
Lets go and ask Mum.

Song 5 - Go tell it on the Mountain

Scene Change - In the kitchen

Act 8: Asking Mum.
Mum, please will you tell me what Christmas is about.

This is the whole story. Mary and Joseph travelled many miles to their home town Bethlehem to pay their taxes. Mary was to have a baby. Mary rode on a donkey and Joseph walked. There was no room in the Inn so they rested in a dirty stable. (Holds her nose.) Mary had a baby at night. There were loads of animals in the stable and they crowded around when the baby was born. The baby was Jesus and the Christmas tree light reminds us of the light Jesus.

Song 6 - Hark the Herald Angels sing

Bow

The End."

I was told what to type. Occasionally, I gave suggestions which were not always taken! Stage directions are in italics!

That girl is a hard task master as she was very specific. I am not sure where we are getting the scenes from or even where this play is to be performed.

Nostalgia

2010-11-06T11:34:00.000Z

This weekend is the 25th Anniversary of our Church's existence. We were not here in the beginning. We were a long way away in a far off land (well the next county along). We hadn't met each other. In fact, we were just weird looking kids with really bad hair and terrible dress sense. I know it was the 80s but imagine that and then some! Any photographic evidence is hidden away at our parents homes. So please take my word for it. My ambition was to get to the end of my school days alive and Alan was going to be a hermit living in a wardrobe somewhere up a mountain. Thankfully, I survived school days breathing and Alan decided that the inside of a wardrobe was only good if it led to Narnia. So he choose Bible College and Church Ministry instead (or rather God called him along that path.)

We started going out in 1987 and have been together ever since. This weekend we are having our own time of Nostalgia. The "Some Kind of Wonderful" soundtrack has been sprung from its box and we both know the lyrics off by heart. I think I look good wearing Alan's future (well, the CD collection that he sold to buy my engagement ring!) Another of our favourite films was "She's Having a Baby".

Back in the day it was lovely to spend hours together doing nothing and having no responsibility; having my younger sister sit between the 2 of us when we tried to spend a minute or 2 together!! I have my suspicions that she was a spy from the family firm but I can't prove it. Time spent in the Church Crypt listening to music on the old juke box; even now certain songs can transport me back to those days. (I should explain that we weren't that weird but our youth club was held there.)

Looking forward to the next 25 years of the Church and also life with Alan. One day this period of my life will fill me with wistful Nostalgia. I prepare the powerpoint for church and have inserted small pictures of things from 1985. Not very mature but it was good fun doing it! Our Church celebrates 25 years along with 'Back to the Future', 'Calvin and Hobbes', 'Live Aid', 'Elmo' and many more.

Nostalgia is good and leaves a warm fuzzy feeling but it will not get the cakes made for the Anniversary tea. So I must away to the kitchen and start baking. And at the party tonight to celebrate 25 years for the Church me and my girls are planning to whoop everyone in the guess the baby photo competition!

Dedicated to my husband.

2010-11-05T21:26:00.000Z

This post is dedicated to the man who has put up with me for a very long time.

Because the original is one of his favourite songs!!!!! Whahaha. Oh so funny. J/K.

Here is one he really likes:

Let us grow old and slightly crazy together.

Not my daughters?!

2010-10-28T17:37:00.000+01:00

I am sorry Mrs .... but yes you can hear your daughters having a (at the top of their lungs) conversation with some of the other neighbourhood children describing in graphic detail their respective sicknesses. Yes, in great detail. They just don't get this quiet and decorum bit yet at all. Oh brother, I ask you? What will I do with them? Swiss Finishing School, methinks. Aren't girls supposed to be delicate and dainty - sugar and spice and all things nice? Why do mine sound more like the opening 20 minutes of the first Shrek film?

Prayer

2010-10-28T10:22:00.000+01:00

I really wish I could say I was a prayer warrior. Someone who took all and everything to God in a never-ending conversation. I am afraid I can't tell you that.

Just recently at a Bible study I go to I shared how I find prayer really difficult. In fact, I told the ladies that sometimes I find prayer scary. I am afraid of what the answers may be and how I will react to them! I look back at some of the big prayers I have prayed and still can't work out why I got NOs. Some of my biggest struggles with prayer are in regards to my family. Being a wife and a mum was a large part of my desires when I was a little girl. Family life has not always been easy for me (I really can't explain all here as I am just too British: Stiff-upper lip and all that). I thought having children would be a piece of cake: after all miscarriage and having problems with child-bearing are genetic right? Umm, no. I prayed some specific prayers but still got the answer NO. After 8 years of various struggles I had my 2 girls. And being a mum has been full of things I would never have dreamed of: good and bad.

I still pray. Although, sometimes big stuff I am reluctant to bring to God. The answers scare me. So I will keep going on and one day I will be able to trust fully again. Christians tell me that God has my good at the centre of His thinking (which in many respects I know and believe) and then they spend hours worrying about small things, sometimes to the point of inactivity. I am afraid Christians can be glib sometimes. I know I have btdt many a time.

Having said all that. I came home and wished I hadn't been so open. Now these ladies know something that I haven't shared with anyone (except my husband); at least not to the extend I told them. I am a PK and a PW so prayer should be easy for me!?!?! Later that day I was surfing the internet and I came across a website that has really helped me. Someone else understood how I think sometimes. My thoughts on infertility, not being able to be pregnant, bear a child, losing a few months of your child's life etc etc.

I read this article. Story a little different but someone understood. Maybe, if I can understand that my feelings in this are perfectly normal then I will be able to untangle my problems with prayer and trust.

Tightning the Purse Strings

2010-10-22T11:03:00.000+01:00

Not that I own a purse with strings you understand. This week the UK Government have announced cuts and lots of them. As a Nation we owe a lot of money. The good times are about to stop rolling it would appear. I have tried to find out what the cuts mean for me and my family budget but can't make sense of the specifics.

However, I realise that I don't fall into any category of thinking on this subject. I think that we all need to accept the cuts. For instance, Welfare will be seriously hit. I am in agreement if the person could find another way of making their money, if they see benefits as a way of income for no valid reason etc. I am not in favour of drawing benefits for life and believe in constant review. I have seen too many people claim benefits for the most flimsy of reasons. And then I hear (anecdotally) of the 73 year old lady who cares for her 40-something son. He can't work due to a stroke a few years ago. They are not entitled to any help at all. Not a penny. He has paid tax and National Insurance for years. So I am in favour of a complete overhaul of our Welfare system.

I also like the idea of this.

Surely, both aspects of cuts are needed to reduce the debt that this country is in?

Adoption

2010-10-10T09:26:00.001+01:00

I have been affected by adoption in a myriad of ways. As a Christian I believe that through Jesus and His death and resurrection I have been adopted into the family of God. I have lots of brothers and sisters that I otherwise wouldn't have. A spiritual connections with people from across the globe (and the internet brings some of them close.)

My 'here-on-earth' children were brought to me by the adoption system of my country. Some of the people I rub shoulders with would like that fact to be erased from history, and hint that the mere mention of the word is somehow wrong. On the other hand, others would like me to believe that adoption is the only thing our family is defined by. I know the impact it has is different on any given day; how my children feel, how I feel, etc etc. My children have very different opinions on their adoption and all the issues that spring from it. The other day I was amazed as they tried to explain to each other their diverse thoughts on this complex subject. If I didn't have a self-imposed ban on photos of them on my blog I would post a picture here. Please imagine 2 rapidly growing girls with pale freckled complexions and red hair.

I assume this video is doing the rounds as I came across it in 2 separate places this morning and thought I would share it here. I found it a good reminder.

Isaiah's Story from 31Films on Vimeo.

Big Girls

2010-09-17T12:47:00.000+01:00

I am of the firm belief that all females needs a Big Girl in their life. In our previous church my children were almost magical; the children that came from nowhere. They were loved from the very first with a fast and deep affection by young and old alike. The older girls took to them and for the 5 years after adoption we were at that church they played with them, allowed them to be honorary members of their clubs, shared sweets with them, trusted them with their mobile phones to take pictures after the service etc etc. These girls were from the age of 9-15: my daughters loved them. They still have the collage of photos on their wall which was presented when we left. My eldest daughter still misses her favourite Big Girl and we have been here for 2 years.

We arrived at our present church and adopted children are 2 a penny here. They were no longer the special children who just arrived but part of the general crowd. It was hard for their mummy.

They play wonderfully with the children at church and a girl slightly older than them is part of that mix but she is so close to their age she doesn't really qualify for the Big Girl Status. (I think they must be a good few years older than my daughters).

A few weeks ago a family joined. They had a daughter and a son. My girls were drawn to this Big Girl like Bees to a Honeypot. She was bubbly, warm and friendly with them. The other night we were having a girly time and somehow, we got talking about this subject. I asked the girls 'Who is your Big Girl here?' Without missing a beat my youngest daughter gave the name of this girl. I hope this family stays.

They asked me 'Who is your Big Girl mummy' and I was glad to be able to name a wonderful lady in our church. She is great, and good fun to be with.

In my humble opinion every girl needs a Big Girl. And I would like to be so bold as to suggest that the Bible agrees with me. Read Titus 2. So today I would say, find your Big Girl and be one to someone else.

I dunno.

2010-09-10T12:59:00.000+01:00

I like this song. I ask a lot of questions and I could have written this song.

Hard-nosed Cynicism or the gift of Discernment?

2010-09-07T10:19:00.000+01:00

As I get older I find the 'Grumpy Old-Women' on TV increasingly funny. I couldn't tell you why really. Maybe, it is the manic way some of them talk, or the droll view they have about life. Whatever, it is great. I quiet enjoy a dose of their cynicism once in a while.

I think that I am turning into one - a Grumpy Old Woman I mean. I have a hard-heart. Every now and again an inspirational email finds its way into my inbox. I am sure I am supposed to be uplifted by them and take the message with me during the day. (If they have a Bible verse on them I will take that and ponder on it during my day.) I have to admit that some of the most heart-wrenching stories make me laugh. You know the ones that are send around purporting to be a true story about some heroic man, woman, child or even animal. Often my first response is to go to Snopes to check the veracity of the ~~yard that is being spun~~ story being told. I don't really mind receiving these emails because they cheer my day but not, alas I am afraid, in the way they are supposed to.

I am female - I should feel my eyes filling up whilst reading this stuff but I don't. I am a Cynic or in Christian cycles I could say that I have the gift of Discernment. The latter sounds so much better but then I am not sure if there is much difference between the two really; just that the gift of Cynicism doesn't have quite the same ring.

Puzzled

2010-08-31T13:10:00.000+01:00

I recently heard a news item about US Immigration and it left me a tad confused. I must point out that I am not American, don't listen or read a lot of American news and only have a scant knowledge of American history. What puzzled me was the force of the article against the people trying to enter America in order to get a better life for themselves and their families.

The Continent of the Americas had been held in fascination for many centuries by Europeans. Many travelled across to the seas to find it. The 1400 and 1500s are full of daring adventures; Columbus discovered the West Indies in 1492. I suspect that with this in mind many of the people aboard the Mayflower left the shores of my (sometimes not so delightful country) to escape Religious persecution; to start a new life for themselves in a new land. After a long and arduous journey they landed upon the country we now know as America. The country was already occupied by indigenous people. It could be argued that the introduction of many Europeans was not good for these people; many were wiped out by European diseases for which their immune systems were not strong enough to fight.

As news of the new country spread more and more people from the European Continent chanced their arms to travel and discover a better life for themselves and their families. Settlements were set up, towns were built and States were organised. Eventually, after much history and war against the Brits Independence was declared on 4th July 1776. A new country was born.

All the while the Indigenous people were being pushed back and out of their land. The settlers were taking over; all to get a better life for themselves and their families. Unfortunately, the Indigenous people of America didn't have a U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement to help them stop illegal immigrates coming into their country and taking over their land and livelihoods.

I could go on but I think I have made my point. I would love to know why the people coming to the US and trying to make a better life for themselves are seen in such a negative way by a few Americans. Why is history not remembered?

And then again, maybe I am sticking my nose into business that really doesn't belong to me. I am puzzled, that is all.

Life begins at 40!

2010-08-24T15:34:00.000+01:00

I am told it does anyway. This year leading up to my 40th birthday I have taken up running, picked up the knitting needles again and taught myself that skill and put myself behind the wheel of a car for the first time since I was 20. I am waiting for the confidence with the latter before I take my test. Once that is mastered I can work on getting myself into a plane; not to fly it you understand but to conquer my fear of not being grounded. I have to do this as I have places to go and people to see.

Anyway, back to my 40th birthday. What seems like an age ago now, my husband asked me what I wanted to do to celebrate it. I didn't want a party as I joined him on his. I asked if the 2 of us could go away together and get someone to look after the girls. I was asked many times through the months 'What are you doing for your 40th?'. I could honestly say that I didn't know and that my husband was sorting it all out.

Fast-forward to last week. I had sort of imagined we would go away to a local town over night and my parents would look after the girls. Last Tuesday they turned up on the doorstep! It transpired that my mum had persuaded my husband to take me away for 3 nights. So on the Wednesday we drove to Bath; a city we both love.

We stayed here:

We visited here:

Yes folks, I managed to encourage my husband that a Spa would be good and for the most part he enjoyed it. The swimming pool in the picture is on top of a roof and gives views of the city of Bath. We had a great time.

We eat at the Spa and the following places over our stay:

Las-iguanas

Greenpark Brasserie

The pictures are from Green Park Brassiere where we eat whilst listening to a live Jazz Band. It was a lovely evening.

We managed to fit in shopping, Coffee Shops and a visit to the American Museum.

I had a wonderful birthday. I have to confess that on the outward journey my stomach was in a knot at the thought of leaving the girls for 3 whole nights but the experience was wonderful. The next big thing is our 20th Wedding Anniversary in 3 years time. I must get my passport for that and start praying now. :)

Thanks to my husband for all the secret arranging that he put into this fantastic break.

My Grumpy Old Women moment

2010-08-03T16:51:00.000+01:00

No post, I changed my mind about hitting the 'Publish Post' button. I do that sometimes.

Some posts are best left in the recesses of my mind. I don't want to scare the children.

Operation Cost Cutting

2010-07-09T10:23:00.000+01:00

A few weeks ago George Osbourne announced the first budget of this Parliament. He made cuts. It inspired me to go through our finances and see where I could make savings. (My mother has been urging me to do this for years but I am stubborn and fought against it). I was shocked when I calculated how little money we had left at the end of the year when all our outgoings (including children's clubs etc) were taken off. The money left was theoretically to provide clothes, holidays and treats for a family of 4. It would also have to cover any unexpected costs.

So Operation Cost Cutting was launched in our household with vengeance. As Chancellor of the household I have implemented some changes. We have separate monthly budgets for food, petrol and extras. I had to relent a little when I saw the confused and terrified look on my husband's face; so this system isn't as hard and fast as was originally planned.

My husband was dispatched to the phone to find the best phone and Internet package. This nearly caused him a coronary but bless him he has secured us a good deal. Well, we think it is good but time will tell. Oh and the TV is going completely. We watch a lot but purely because it is there. The programmes that we follow are very few and far between so the monthly cost is not warranted neither is the yearly licence. As long as we don't watch things live we can get most of what we want on the Internet (we made sure we got a larger monthly download limit for this purpose.) We may have to sweeten the girls with a DVD box set of the A-team series.

It is my job to see what I can save on the Gas and Electricity bills. Some of the deals require the money up front which seem a little odd so I will keep looking into that.

So readers if you have any ways of saving money then please let me know.

Have a laugh on me.

2010-06-29T13:15:00.000+01:00

Well actually I came across this video on Sally Lloyd-Jones blog. It made me laugh so I thought I would share it with my many blog readers.

The Competition

2010-06-28T17:10:00.001+01:00

A few conversations got me thinking.

Conversation one:
I was having a chat with Lady 1 and she was just a little overwhelmed by the circumstances she was facing. Lady 2 came over, noticed the tears and asked what was wrong. Lady 1 gave a brief explanation with the tears still flowing. Lady 2 gave the following words of comfort: "Welcome to my world." I am no counsellor but I somehow don't think that helped.

Conversation two:
At the end of a church event after everything was tidied away I was chatting to 2 ladies. Lady 1 was explaining about her busy week and that the next 2 weeks were for preparation of a camp she was helping at. Lady 1: I am waking up so early each morning and that is making me really tired.
Lady 2: Oh I am waking up early and going to bed so late. I am just so tired.
I fought the urge to tell them that I wasn't busy, that I was going to bed at a reasonable time and waking up at 6am by choice. I don't think they would have appreciated my input.

I them remembered a sketch that I had seen performed at a Talent Event at our previous church. I attempted to find the sketch myself on you tube. No joy so I asked the one who would know. So, Ladies and Gentleman I give you Monty Phython.

Whew, that's a relief

2010-06-24T11:34:00.000+01:00

Well, it is World Cup season. England had us worried there for a bit. They didn't play well in their first 2 matches. I feel they were too generous to the other teams! Thankfully, Jermain Defoe managed to score a goal in the first half. I didn't see it as I was otherwise engaged. My girls and I watched the 2nd half but didn't witness any other goals. We were nearly going to win the group right up to the wire until the USA scored a goal against Algeria. Sunday we get to play Germany.

I shall not be holding my breathe but perhaps our team may produce another miracle from the bag.

In other sporting news: I am fascinated by the longest ever Tennis match between John Isner and Nicolas Mahut. Their game has spanned two days and the score last night was 2 sets all with 59 score a piece. I think they will be relieved when it is all over but both should get a prize for their physical and mental endurance. Amazing stuff.

'It's an Abstract Painting, Mummy.'

2010-06-17T13:15:00.001+01:00

My children's school has an Arts Week every year. They choose a painting and base all Arts work on the type and style of that Artist. Last year it was Renior's Umbrella.

This year the girls was full of excitement because the REAL picture had been loaned to the School and was now in the Hall. I promptly disbelieved the girls; the nice and considerate mummy that I am. I soon stood corrected when a letter from School informed me that the picture had been loaned from a local Art Gallery. This year the painting is called 'Parrot's Idea No 2' by an artist called Alan Davie. I have never heard of him or the painting.

As Art is something both my girls love and do well in their is great excitement in our house this week. My eldest has gone to School this morning dressed in black and white to be 'part of the swirly bit', as I was knowledgeably informed. She told me he painted Abstract Paintings and that she rather liked them. So, there we have it. I am completely unsure of Abstract Paintings as I am the type who would probably hold them up the wrong way but from now I can ask my in-house Art Critic. She will put me straight. Or swirly. But always the right way up.

Diet conundrum

2010-06-13T09:49:00.000+01:00

We have a problem in our house. We all love food and will try many different varieties of it. I love cooking and baking. This week I finally got around to redoing my menus in order to make shopping easier (and thus spend less money!) I have a whiteboard strategically placed in my kitchen; ready for the list of food items which need replacing. I hope my menus turn out to be a careful balance between meat, fish and pulse dinners that satisfy each and every family member.

But I digress slightly as that is not the problem. The problem is this: I have worked hard this year and am extremely proud of my achievement in losing weight. This has been down to exercise and slight changes in diet. Unfortunately, the same has happened to my husband (not the exercise but the weight loss). Last year he was proud of his achievement to get more weight on him! He has been told to watch his saturated fat intakes due to a slight excess of cholesterol. So therein lies our conundrum.

How do I get a good balanced diet which keeps me the weight I enjoy being but doesn't allow my husband to lose all his? For those few of you that read this blog. If you have any good healthy weight-gaining snacks that my husband can partake, please let me know. What about exercise that he might be able to do to. Before my husband becomes a shadow. Thanks.

These are a few of my pet peeves.

2010-05-22T18:30:00.000+01:00

I come from a family who are good at pet peeves, in fact almost everything can be a pet peeve, bee-in-your-bonnet, a subject to really get under my skin; if you just try hard enough. We are good at it. In fact, if we are not careful that is all we are about.

Anyway, I thought I would blog a few for the few readers I get. Blogs are often 'pink and fluffy' and a kind of ethereal world that may or may not really exist (you could say that is a pet peeve of mine). So for you dear readers an insight into the things that 'get my goat.' (As an aside: What on earth does that mean? Perhaps, I could have that as another blog - "The sayings which you hear that don't mean anything at all")

People asking me how am I and then not listening.
People who are passive-aggressive and don't tell me straight what on earth I have done wrong.
Idiots who ride around on motorbikes without their helmets on, and for good measure have their very young children on the bike with them.
People starting sentences "I am not racist but ....".
Prayerful concern. If I can't help the situation of another person don't tell me. I don't want to know.
Busyness competitions. The sooner you all realise that no-one is busier than me the better. Got that. Good.
Christian tradition being confused with Christian theology. Lets sort out together on the things that are really important and allow differences in the rest.
Amateur Counsellors, especially people who are just plain weird themselves. If you can't look me in the eye when you talk to me why should I refer others with problems to you?
Having a sense of humour that puts others down.
'Uriah Heep' type humility.

Oh, the list is obviously endless and I could go on but I think that will suffice. Maybe, one day I will post a few of my favourite things.

Photo which made my youngest daughter laugh most of the week.

2010-05-21T21:14:00.000+01:00

OK, so only Harry Hill fans will get the joke. It is a slot on a TV programme we watch. We think it is funny anyway.

I sometimes use my phone camera just because I can. I am like a kid messing around with it. So today I needed a pair of shoes that weren't going to make my feet get to hot so I put on some white canvas lace-up boots I bought ages ago and have never worn. My husband says they are very (David Tennant) Dr Who. No folks, I am not digressing I am giving you background to the photo. We were driving to the Church Club and for some reason (and if I don't know what it is nobody else will) I decided to put my feet up on the dashboard and take a photo. I showed my girls and the youngest howled with laughter.

It is good to know that I can still have that effect on my girls. Long my it continue. Although, maybe she was just laughing at the complete silliness of her mummy. Perhaps, we should explore our daft sides together.

I got rhythm

2010-05-19T17:09:00.001+01:00

Well actually I haven't got much at all. The girls should be at their swimming lesson tonight but for 2 reasons they are not. 1) Our youngest got a rather nasty whack on the head on Saturday which required glue and tape to fix and we have to keep it dry until tomorrow and 2) the girls got an opportunity to go and make music with a Symphony Orchestra. They were both excited about it so we let them go (can't go wrong for £1.50!)

They are learning instruments. We are paying for them to have lessons through the school and this is a trial year to see how well they practice. Well the practising just isn't happening. I devised a scheme where by they both did about 10 minutes a day which worked for a bit until the sun started to shine; and then they wanted to play in the garden. Fair play to them it could rain for the next 6 months here.

The thought went through my mind about all us girlies joining the local town band but unfortunately it clashes with the church club. I don't think it would go down well if we left the latter and the band aren't going to move for us, so that idea is out. Bummer, I say I was really looking forward to that.

Edited to add: The girls loved it so much they have asked to sign up for regular music 'jamming' sessions. So after half-term they will attend them every Thursday after school for 2 hours.

Indecisions abound

2010-05-07T16:53:00.000+01:00

So we voted yesterday (unless of course, you were the several hundred who were turned away because it was too late!). As a country we have given a clear indication of what we don't want but can't really tell anyone what we do want. Most of the seats across Great Britain have been counted, their results declared and it is official: we are to have a hung Parliament. What is not clear is the type of coalition we will have. The Conservatives are going to have talks with the Liberal Democrats later today to see what they can come up with. Our current Prime Minister has not told us what he is going to do, eg whether he is going to try and hang on or resign. We will wait and see but please don't hold your breath as they can take as long as they like to decide. As long as it is by the 25th May.

In other news: I just don't know what to do with myself. I resigned my job and it made perfect sense at the time but not so much now. I now need to know where I go next. Do I stay where I am as a sort of Supply Nursery Nurse? Do I apply to another Nursery where a little bird as told me there may be jobs with less hours? Do I volunteer at the school and see where that leads? Perhaps, like certain political parties, I need to be taken out and put out of my misery.

Ho hum. However, I am pleased to report that the sun is shining and that bodes well for Flora Day tomorrow. If I get a chance I will post about that then.

An over-developed knee muscle

2010-05-06T18:13:00.000+01:00

I think I will get one. At the moment in my driving lessons I am learning Clutch Control. I have discovered it may be a little easier if I don't have my foot on the floor whilst trying to use the Clutch. You have to understand I have to master this in the area I live which is full of hills, small lanes, tight corners etc. So today the muscles around my left knee got a good work out. I may walk a little lopsided but the theory of Clutch Control is becoming a little more real.

I will master driving, pass my test and then I will have the difficult task of deciding which type of Beetle to buy. New

Or Classic.

Which one will suit my surfing-type lifestyle? I can imagine packing up the suit and boards in the back, tootling along the road to the beach for a quick ride of the waves and finish off with a long leisurely Barbecue on the beach.

Or maybe not but a girl can dream, can she?

Surf board to the ready.

2010-04-18T21:03:00.000+01:00

OK, so it is only a body board and I am not sure that it will take the weight of an adult. BUT: we now own a body board and wetsuits for the girls in this family. We asked a family from church who we knew to be water babies where they buy their wetsuits. They told us of a place that sold reasonably priced middle of the road gear. They then told us that they had a variety of different sized suits in their loft which were on standby for the visitors that came to their abodes. They then realised that those visitors 1) had grown and wouldn't fit the suits and 2) had their own. Would we like them? Well, yes please.

All 3 of us managed to find something that fitted. As I have no full length mirror in my house I don't know if I look like an overstuffed sausage, albeit a blue and yellow one. My children and husband didn't fall about laughing when I put the wetsuit on so I took from that it is OK for me to inflict myself in it on the unsuspecting public.

It only remains for us to go to the seaside and try out our new acquisitions, skilfully surfing the waves. I have decided that the my one-time youth leader is NOT going to give me those lessons promised so we will muddle on and see if my inner surfer makes an appearance. (I realise that an alternative name for this post could be Midlife crisis and sea foam.)

Disclaimer: This photo is not me ............................................................................ yet.

These are a few of my favourite things.

2010-04-13T10:14:00.000+01:00

During a recent period of bleakness I was given this advice from a friend. "Make a list of at least 10 things about each of your girls that makes you smile, makes you proud, makes your heart sing. That way, when you get frustrated with them you can reflect on your list and consider the positive instead of dwelling on the negative." Some days that could be incredibly hard due to my nature (nearly always looking at the negative things) and also the sometimes extremely difficult behaviour of one of my daughters. Here is my effort:

Eldest daughter

She has the most beautiful coloured hair of anyone that I know.
When she smiles it lights up the whole room.
She is incredibly good at coordinating her outfits and knows instinctively what will work together.
She loves music and will listen to an eclectic mix.
She enjoys food and will try anything once.
She loves history and can retell great swaths of her favourite periods.
She has a terrific imagination which is apparent in her games.
She loves reading or being read to and gets wrapped up in the stories.
She enjoys church and learning about God despite the big questions she has about the whole thing.
She is sociable with young and old alike and will talk to anyone that will listen.

Youngest Daughter

She is incredibly inventive and makes all sorts of things out of virtually nothing.
She loves her big sister with an incredibly deep love.
She is deeply affectionate and loves her cuddles.
She turns negatives to positives on a regular basis. (She doesn't let the beggars get her down.)
She loves art and craft.
Her collection of small creatures only stops at spiders.
She has a wonderful Shrek-like humour which makes us all laugh.
She always has a plan about how to work things out.
She knows her own mind.
She has a good grasp on things about God.

I wish I could post a picture of them here but I have an unwritten rule that I don't post many photos of them on the open Internet. So imagine two rapidly growing redheads with faces smothered in freckles. One is brown-eyed and has a delicate frame. The other is blue-eyed and is more solid. They are not daughters of birth but they are most definitely daughters of my heart.

Belly fat is my friend

2010-04-09T08:22:00.000+01:00

I have been exercising and eating better fairly consistently since the beginning of 2010. Some mornings I exercise with the energy of a Tasmanian Devil and afterwards look like I am about to shuffle off my mortal coil. But I continue on. I have lost a good amount of weight and also inches from the various parts of my body. I haven't officially weighed and measured for a few weeks as finding out I was putting myself through torture each morning and not losing became demoralising (I hit plateau).

This week I visited my parents and as you do on these occasions I stepped onto their scales. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the little arrow stopped on a lower number. However, even with all the weight loss I still have my friend around my middle - a little fat store (not sure for what but it is there). I have never had a perfectly flat stomach and because of this have never worn a bikini.

My Challenge this month is Plateau Busting so I am trying to do exercise morning and evening. All the videos I exercise along to tell me that 'a six-pack' is on the way if only I do this exercise a gizillion times each week but so far there is no sign. I enjoy exercise. I enjoy being a smaller me. I enjoy the health benefits that the experts tell me I am receiving.

If only I could get as enthusiastic about the housework ................

Beauty in a Modern World

2010-04-02T07:28:00.000+01:00

I found this link on a friend's facebook page. The little girl at the beginning reminded me of my 2 beautiful daughters.

Easter

2010-04-02T07:16:00.000+01:00

I can't believe we are in April already. Today, I will attend a Good Friday Service with my family. Over the next few days we will reflect on the death and resurrection of Jesus and what that means for us and the world today.

Hopefully, over the next few days we will spend time with friends and neighbours as well. My girls and I planned on having a cooking fest which will include chocolate nests (if I can stop them from eating all the mini-eggs), a simnel cake and some Hot Cross Buns. We shall see what we manage to make but I am looking forward to spending some time with them which doesn't involve instructions on how they should 'hurray up!', 'get your shoes on', 'are you not ready yet?' etc

So God Bless you this Easter and may you find time to contemplate the Saviour of it. May you find time to slow down and spend time with your loved ones.

Why do I bother?

2010-03-25T19:24:00.002Z

I want to change my blog look again but I never can manage to do it right. I copy the HTML and then try and add my own widgets but it comes up with an error. So I will stay with this look until I can figure out where I am going wrong. If anyone can help then please let me know.

Some Light Relief

2010-03-17T17:26:00.000Z

I have someone incredibly important to me who thinks I need to lightened up a bit - I think she has a very good point. A lot of the time I have my 'serious head' on and it isn't necessary. Life can be deep but it can also be hilarious, frivolous and just down right daft. So here remembering the times of lunacy I have shared with my special person (aka my sister) I post this video.

Love you loads and am looking forward to our holiday together.

A thought for this week.

2010-03-12T10:52:00.000Z

This week has not been a good week for me in lots of different ways which don't need writing out publically. If you want to know please ask.

A thought that I have read a number of times this week is:

"Never question in the dark what God has shown you in the light."

It is time to keep on plodding on and do some good old-fashioned preaching to myself. The trouble is I don't like what I am telling myself to do but wallowing in misery isn't an option either.

I have managed to keep up with the exercise and feel better for it. I am reading Oswald Chambers and find the thoughts good for me at this time.

I am off to a Conference for the weekened and am looking forward to balm for the soul.

New Challenge

2010-03-09T18:23:00.000Z

Last week in order to take care of my Emotional Health I blogged. This week the Challenge is to get my sleep routine sorted. Nowadays, I fall asleep really quickly after years of desperately struggling for nearly one hour. This is down to a combination of more physical exercise, putting worry to a lower place in my list of priorities and reading before I drop off. I need to get to bed earlier and make my sleep longer. I get up at 6am most mornings and getting off to sleep after 11pm is just too late. So hopefully, I will manage to go to bed a lot earlier which would mean turning the light off earlier. We will see. Now I am older I do need more sleep; I used to be able to burn the candle at both ends but alas no more.

I am really enjoying these Challenges, it is good for accountability.

Day 6 & 7 - Success from failure?

2010-03-06T14:32:00.000Z

I work up this morning and did 20 minutes work on my Abs; I really felt them working. Walking will be the only Cardio I do today. That and housework!

Dinner is made and eaten. We had Bulghar Wheat Salad (it lasted a few days), raw Spinach and BBQ Chicken Drumsticks. I didn't have any complaints from any member of the family. It is lovely to see the way my children eat and we find there isn't much they don't like. Except that is the Cornmeal Mush I experimented with this morning, that didn't go down well even with sugar and honey in it. I was with them on that one though. Oh well, maybe the Prairie Life isn't for us after all.

It is strange how all my reading can come together and which then fires my grey cells with a lot of thoughts. Yesterday a friend posted on their Facebook Status this: Sir Winston Churchill said: "Success consists of someone going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." But, if you think about it, that's also the definition of an airhead. Interesting. Today, I read an article on Spark People about Abraham Lincoln which explained how he battled on with life through many disappointments and failure. It got me thinking about how I cope with the trails of life. I have a tendency to attend amazing pity parties with a guest of one. How much more could I achieve if I use the set-backs as fuel to carry on? Since my MIL died I have been trying to do that. Life will throw up junk as we are in a broken and yucky world. A verse in the Bible says "More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." I need to get this way of thinking into my very being and see what I can achieve.

Day 5 - Who let the grump out?

2010-03-04T17:30:00.000Z

Today, my alarm went off at 5.55 am as usual. I got up, collected my things in the same order I do every morning, walked along the landing and then realised that I needed to go back to bed. Spark People and Exercise TV did not get my presence today as I had a small little lie-in. I told myself as I snuggled back under the covers, just because you missed it once does not mean it has to become a habit.

It was my last day at work for this week and I am glad. I did not feel that happy at all. My tiredness made me a little on the grumpy side; and also the thought of a driving lesson. Thankfully, I finished work on time which meant I could come home and take a breather before the lesson started. My Instructor stopped the car for me to take the controls very near my house. I was as nervous as anything but I felt more in control of the car. We drove a long way from home (well it seemed like that) and I had a variety of road conditions to deal with: Lots of bends, a wonderful straight section of road, hills (there are an awful lot of those near where I live), cars overtaking me and a myriad of Lorries. At the end of the lesson I felt exhausted but the Instructor thought I had done a good job and I have booked 2 more lessons. So I feel better about this (until next week that is. LOL)

I have been pondering about my place in our church. I am not sure that I am contributing with the skills I have; not sure if there is anything for me to do. It is beginning to make me feel useless but I was reading today that God Himself is what is important. Of course, I must look for ways to use my abilities but that must not be what defines me. At the moment I need to carry on with the little I already do and work on my Hospitality and befriending of people.

Off to put the final touches to dinner (Salmon and Bulghar Wheat Salad) and we will see if the others like it.

Day 4 - Unremarkable Day

2010-03-03T20:19:00.000Z

Today was just like any other day really so I will not bore you with the minutiae. Please humour me as you read the following 2 quotes.

John 221:17 - Feed My Sheep. "Peter now realizes that he does love Jesus, due to the revelation that came with the Lord’s piercing question. The Lord’s next point is— "Pour yourself out. Don’t testify about how much you love Me and don’t talk about the wonderful revelation you have had, just ’Feed My sheep.’ " Jesus has some extraordinarily peculiar sheep: some that are unkempt and dirty, some that are awkward or pushy, and some that have gone astray! But it is impossible to exhaust God’s love, and it is impossible to exhaust my love if it flows from the Spirit of God within me. The love of God pays no attention to my prejudices caused by my natural individuality. If I love my Lord, I have no business being guided by natural emotions— I have to feed His sheep. We will not be delivered or released from His commission to us. Beware of counterfeiting the love of God by following your own natural human emotions, sympathies, or understandings. That will only serve to revile and abuse the true love of God."

Oswald Chambers by 'My Utmost for His Highest'.

Question: What sort of sheep are you?

"I wish I could be like one of the old Vikings. I'd have the deacons carry me in and lay me down at the foot of the communion table, and then torch the old ship, and it and I would sail into eternity together. Though in fact I hope they will save the table. Surely they will."

Gilead by Marilynne Robinson

I am not sure whether I am supposed to laugh at this quote but I did and a few others from Gilead. I am thoroughly enjoying the whimsical trip through the thoughts of John Ames his son.

Day 3 - A Comedy of Errors

2010-03-02T19:28:00.000Z

Today was a funny old day. I got up and felt much better than yesterday, so I did 30 minutes of kickboxing plus my Strength training exercises. The school 'getting ready' section went really well and nobody had to sit on the stairs (including me!) I had a lovely few minutes with my eldest daughter on the way to school as the youngest went to her Physio appointment. It was great just to be able to have that 1-on-1 time and she loved it as well.

Work, however, was just one of THOSE days. Everything was all tickity-boo until I cut my finger with a knife whilst cutting up apples at snack-time. It was a classic example of 'more haste less speed'; the clean-up operation took a considerable amount of my time and that of another work who had to bandaged me up. It was a good job I had already done my activity for the day. For the rest of my day at work I had to work with a rather Heath Robinson-style dressing but even that could be turned into a puppet to entertain the children. I also looked like I was doing a Masonic-type hand-sign as I held my hand in an awkward position in order for the finger to stop bleeding. Apart from that, the Deputy had to show a new member of staff around, show the Nursery to a potential new parent and their baby and we had a visit from Rentikol just as we sat the children down to lunch. And to top it off a child was sick at the end of Lunch-time. Thankfully, I was able to smile about it.

After school the girls had their annual Opticians appointment. I was one proud mummy when she told me that I had very good girls who sat and did as they were told. I am thankful that they have never been much bother on visits to the Medical Establishment.

I will have to leave the world of the Net to go and do something more realistic like catching up on my work paperwork.

Day 2

2010-03-01T22:16:00.000Z

So I am doing a Challenge this month and for this week I am to write a blog about how I feel. It may go on but I haven't read that far. I was supposed to start yesterday but didn't. So here goes.

Today was Monday, back at work. I work up as usual to do my exercises but could only manage a small amount of Strength and Cardio. The rest of my morning routine went well and I managed to get the girls to school on time, come home and read my bible and then be at work on time. Over the weekend I hadn't managed to catch up on my work paperwork so wasn't prepared to start this week. Thankfully, I managed to think up an activity.

I have an ongoing issue that is causing me stress but thankfully today I was able to talk it through with my husband and work it out in my own head and I can see a way around it. I need to now act on some of the conclusions I have come to.

I have been feeling generally a little tired all day and have felt incredibly hungry but am pleased to say I didn't grab the easiest snacks in the house; instead I eat fruit, veg and healthy snacks.

I am way behind on my planning for work but managed to get one section of it finished and that felt good. I also sorted out the mountain of paperwork that had grown on my kitchen table. So today was a good day for Admin.

Tomorrow is another day.

Busy Bees

2010-02-24T15:14:00.000Z

My youngest daughter has been home from school for the past 2 days. She suffered Pneumonia over the Christmas Holidays and started again with a temperature, wheezy chest and sniffles last weekend. I took her to the Drs on Monday who advised a day or 2 off school.

As she is not debilitated by her illness we have been quite busy. Yesterday we made phone socks for all the mobile phones; the colours and pattern on the fabric were carefully chosen to fit the personality of the recipient. I also got out a ball of wool, some needles and reminded myself the basics of knitting, all went well until I attempted moss stitch. My technique obviously needs more practice and some refinement.

Today, we have been busy making clothes for the large Teddy Bear she was given whilst in hospital. I was dispatched to make an African-style dress and my girl worked on the other items of clothing. She found an old pillow case which she cut holes in the correct places, made a scarf out of some floaty material and fashioned a veil from an Alice-band and some more old material. Her methods were completely unconventional but the finished result was great and we had fun working together. Looks like my old sewing machine will be seeing the light of day a lot more in the days to come.

Tomorrow, we will most probably be back at school and work.

Random jottings of a deranged mind.

2010-02-19T12:27:00.000Z

I realised I haven't blogged for a little while now. Perhaps life has just been too busy, although maybe not if the quote I read this morning is anything to go by. "Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein." — H. Jackson Brown Jr. Umm, interesting.

In the past month I restarted Driving Lessons after a 18 year break! I am nervous but they are going OK; yesterday I got to drive on the open road. I pray that the fear will go and I will actually enjoy the experience. And as the Veggie Tales once sang maybe this will be my theme song for 2010 and beyond: On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again, the life I love is makin music with my friends and I can't wait to get on the road again.

I also decided to dye my hair- I had lost any tinge of red that I had. I took the plunge and went to the hairdressers. However, me being me and not having a clue what I was doing ended up with a dark reddish colour and not the copper that would have lightened up my barnet. Never mind, I like it and can try for a different colour next time. (Please, if I start talking about getting a tattoo or a body-piercing take me out and shoot me!)

Alan and I are going to our first Ball on Saturday night. It is for a Charity that is close to the heart of some of our friends. I have managed to borrow a dress, scarf and bag but have had to buy the jewellery to go with it. I will hopefully get a pair of suitable shoes this afternoon. If not, I could always wear my Dr Martaens with the dress!

Last year I read through the Bible from beginning to end and wanted to something different in 2010. I am reading Oswald Chamber's 'My Upmost for His Highest' and am finding it good so far. I still need to find something that will make me think more but this is a good book to start with.

So what else has this year brought so far: More exercise, healthier meals (which have led to their being a little less of me), a more relaxed approach to life and not so much worrying, 2 daughters who are growing well in every aspect of life and a deeper appreciation and love for my husband.

I love receiving parcels

2010-01-29T17:40:00.000Z

Today, we received a parcel. It was exciting as we have been waiting for it. I managed to contain myself and eat some lunch before I opened the box. Inside were a precious cargo of books which complete our collection of 'Laura and Mary' books. I can't wait to read them as a family. We read books together and my husband and I take turns in choosing the books. 'Silver Lake' needs finishing up then my husband gets his turn (Dr DooLittle) and we can then start working through the rest of them.

I collected the girls from school and we spent the nearly 10 minute walk home playing a 'Guess what the parcel' is game. They didn't guess but were as excited as I was when they saw the contents of the box.

If anyone has recommendations of any good family books then please let me know.

And thanks to my friend who so kindly gave us this lovely present. All 4 of us (and that includes my husband) can't wait to find out what happens. Maybe, one day (Mr T-like) I will get on a plane and visit the museums etc connected with these books.

Family Time

2010-01-24T16:52:00.000Z

We have had a great weekend. Yesterday, we spent the money my parents give us for Christmas. It went a long way. We got an annual membership to a localish event, a meal and a session of Ice-skating. We enjoyed the whole day. The Ice-skating was fantastic but much too short a time. I really remembered how to do it. It was interesting to observe how differently my girls faced this event. The eldest held on to the side for a lot of the time and only very tentatively tried skating in the open rink! The youngest took a more dare-devil approach. She spent a lot of time on her bottom because of it. She also, took my husband and myself down with her at different times. I am going to investigate Ice-rinks near us and maybe go more often.

Today, we have had a great day. Dinner was ready in the slow-cook as soon as we came home from church, all that was needed was to crack open the packet of Doritos. The weather here has been beautiful and spring-like so we went for a walk along a local cliff and down to the beach. It was good. The girls got a little wet as they misjudged the speed of the tide coming in. When we got home the girls started to build a Knex set with their dad as I got caught up with emails.

It has been one of those great weekends that we don't always get.

My 2010 Regime

2010-01-20T19:24:00.000Z

I have started to exercise and eat more healthy. In fact, I am part of a Bootcamp (Spark People January Challenge) which gives exercise and Challenges every day. I have found it so helpful as I have to log the exercise I do. I did try logging the food I eat but I couldn't keep up. So I make sure that I eat healthy and enjoy the food I am eating. I write down what I eat and drink. I am drinking a lot more water and fluids in general.

I have lost weight and inches and am pleased about it. It has also helped me be more organised about other things. I have changed my routine a little and things seem so much better. I am reading my bible more regularly as well.

I am nearing the end of my 3rd week and we shall see how long I can keep it up. I have found a website that has free exercise videos and will give that a go tomorrow.

And that is nothing like good poetry.

2010-01-17T21:43:00.000Z

It was my husband's 40th birthday party yesterday and his birthday today. I was planning on producing a marvellous all singing and dancing powerpoint with pictures from babyhood upwards. For a whole variety of different reasons that didn't get done. My dad put one together from his perspective and a friend found an old youth camp video from when he was first a church worker. So there was enough stuff to cause great hilarity.

I wrote this poem yesterday morning at speed. I am not giving up my day job.

There was a young man from Devon
Who didn't know six from his Seven
Books, poems, CDs and obsure DVDs
Were all his joy and his pleasure.

There was a young man from B'for
Who took a sick day for a walk
With a pretty young girl called Lizzy
Who still makes him crazy and dizzy.

There was a young man from Devon
Who came to believe in heaven
3 years of hard slog in Bryntirion
Showed him the things he was serious on.

There was a young man from B'ford
Who wanted to learn and serve God
He studied, read, debated theology
For hours with is friend, Alan Dodd.

There was young man in the Balck Country
Who still couldn't count more than three
But our girls they did come and add more
And he was content to become four.

There was young man move to Cornwall
Who barely could do the front crawl
Roskillys, sea, pasties and rain
He encountered again and again.

There was a young man who read Herbert
Who like to dabble in Sherbert
Keller, Lewis and Milton; books that he read
But only has this Limerick instead.

There was a young man who turned 40
Who happily married a shortie
So Sincere thanks on and all
For attending his ball.

A Tale of Two Videos

2010-01-15T16:00:00.002Z

This is a very cheesy video clip

This one, on the other hand is of a more serious nature.

Necessity is the Mother of Invention

2010-01-06T20:59:00.002Z

Our youngest daughter couldn't make a snowman outside today so she used the Butler's Sink (in our Utility Room) as her base and here is what she made.

We don't have coal in our house so she found the nearest thing to it: mini chocolate bars! The nose is a piece of junk she found lying around and the gloves are held on by old toothbrushes we usually use for cleaning.

To make sure her hands didn't get cold she put washing-up gloves over her ordinary gloves.

She has plans for more indoor snowman tomorrow.

Its snowing

2010-01-06T19:52:00.000Z

So we were told it only snows in our part of the country once every 10 years. Someone must have got it wrong because has snowed 2 years in a row.

My children were really excited. The eldest one got the day off school and was allowed to happily play in the snow on and off all day. The youngest is off school anyway recovering from her hospital stay. She wasn't a happy bunny when she was only allowed in the garden for a very short time. I had a job (in fact, the penny finally sunk in at about 3.30 pm) trying to explain that she had been really poorly last week, and spending hours in the cold and wind wasn't going to help recovery. I am hoping the lesson has been learnt for the week and we don't have a repeat performance tomorrow or Friday.

I feel sorry for her but I am hoping all her disappointment is now cried, schemed and whined out of her. Boy, it is exhausting being a mummy sometimes.

But now, they are asleep they do both look so lovely and cute.

The Good Old Days

2010-01-02T09:52:00.000Z

Just to let you know why I love the age I live in. We had a Christmas to remember on lots of levels. In a less technically and scientifically advanced age it could have been a lot worse. A significant member from our extended family may have not been found if the Police were unable to trace his mobile phone signal. Mobiles may be an annoyance of modern life BUT in this case they saved a life.

Medical advances meant my girl could be seen by a Dr a few hours after we were concerned for her health. She was able to go in an ambulance with a supply of oxygen and then was able to be provided with antibiotics which knocked her infection on its head.

So if you want to go back to the Good Old Days please give up all conveniences of 2010, be my guest but don't ask me to join you.

In the light of our Christmas ...

2010-01-01T12:17:00.000Z

... maybe this should be my attitude to life.

2010 should be the year of getting up and doing things and not just talking about it.

Not that kind of excitement please.

2009-12-31T20:26:00.000Z

Our youngest daughter is prone to coughs, colds, sneezes and wheezes. She has been since she was a baby so we weren't too alarmed when she started coughing last week. It is just what she does or so we thought.

We had some friends for Boxing Day tea and one of them said that if it were her she would get our daughter looked at. Her son is asthmatic and she recognised the wheeze. So we phoned the out-of-hours Drs who, instead of telling us to dose her up with Calpol, told us to bring her in to be checked out. My husband took her up and we fully expected her to be home that night.

Well an ambulance ride and 5 days stay in Hospital she is back with us. She was transferred to the Main Hospital in the region to be checked out by a Paediatrician. They took blood, checked her breathing, and her oxygen levels which were too low for her to return home.

Her attitude to being in Hospital was remarkable; allowing the Drs, Nurses, Physios to do with her as they asked except at night when they tried to give her medicine through the Canular. Then, from the depth of her sleep she struggled, moaned, told mummy off and squirted medicine over the Nurse. In the morning she was back to her compliant self and had no recollection of the events.

During her stay they checked her Oxygen levels but they didn't sustain when they took her off the Oxygen Mask. During the night it came out by mistake and her levels were still good, so the Nurse didn't put it back on. When the Dr came round in the afternoon she was pleased with her progress and told her she could go home.

We are all so pleased and thank God for all the help we have had. Also for all the prayers people have offered.

A Good Friend Remembered

2009-12-20T13:17:00.000Z

I am at the stage in life when a lot of my friends (and family) are hitting 40. I thought this stage would never come but it has. A few years ago a group of people from our previous church celebrated their 40th Birthdays by going abroad and doing a spot of White-Water-Rafting.

This event caused my husband and a friend of ours to discuss what they would do for their 40th birthdays which were a month apart. Well the years have gone by but our friend is no longer alive. He was taken to be with the Lord when he was only 38 years old. Today would have been his 40th birthday. I have been reflecting on him, his faith in God and his wacky sense of humour. He and my husband shared that, often the sense of the absurd would overtake both of them and often at the most inopportune moments. I have also been thinking of his widow and their son; she is remarkable. God surely blessed us with this friend and I really wish he were still with us so that we could somehow celebrate his birthday.

So my husband will be celebrating his birthday in January but not as was planned. He, instead, has chosen to have a party and share the time with a whole group of other friends and family. And he will take time out to have a quiet time reflecting our friend and what would have been.

No offence meant.

2009-12-17T16:15:00.000Z

I read a great article today by Tim Keller. I have been easily offended by people in the past (there are some people I still take a lot of what they say the wrong way!) In terms of Church life the nature of my husband's job can make me more sensitive to negative comments. In the past I have made sure I withdrew from people telling myself that I don't have to listen. Nowadays, I try to be more calm about it and wonder if there is any truth in what they say. I am learning that I am not always right about everything, that others have their own opinion, and that you can be friends with people and agree to disagree. Life is a lot easier that way.

I am also learning that just because I am a Pastor's wife doesn't mean I need to put myself in an Ivory Tower and stay away from the rest of the world. Ivory is beautiful but cold, hard and not particularly comfortable. If I conduct my relationships in that way I am not going to get far. I want my tower to be soft and warm and big enough for others to share; and I want to be able to share theirs as well.

Embracing my curls

2009-12-15T17:15:00.000Z

But maybe not that much! I love Ecological-friendly products but also like a good bargain. More often than not the two are at opposite ends of the spectrum! I don't like the thought of all the chemicals I put on my hair (face and body for that matter) to make it look half-way decent. I have naturally curly hair and my no-products days are long gone. I don't think bicarb of soda and cider vinegar are going to do much for my barnet either. So I have been looking for an alternative. I am discovering natural products are very expensive. I have found a local company that makes shampoo (whoops sorry cleanser) and conditioners etc and will give them a whirl. The only problem is the only styling product they sell is wax and I am not sure that will work for me.

I have discovered products made by companies called Curl Cremes, Crown Pride, Kinky-Curly and Curl Junkie to name a few. They are all American companies and whilst buying on-line is a lot cheaper, the shipping costs are high and the alternative of buying them through a UK website makes the products themselves more expensive. I will try some out (in fact, my Curl Jelly arrived from Darcy Botanicals today) but will have to psych myself up to spend that much agauin on hair products. Maybe, I should just try to make my own .......

Hey, good looking

2009-12-08T15:55:00.001Z

I have 2 daughters. They are both beautiful and clever. I am not in anyway bias! They have completely different takes on life already at their young age.

My eldest girl likes to look good, she is only 8 years old. She is interested in fashion and how clothes go together. I have only taken an interest for myself in the past few years. Growing up I was never interested in clothes, hair or makeup. My mum wasn't so I took my lead from there. I think together my girl and I will learn how to be dressed well without it taking over her whole personality.

My other daughter on the other hand is more Marmalade Atkins or to use a more recent example, Ugly Betty! She loves a riot of different colours and wears most of them at the same time!

I love them and pray that I can help them grow to be confident, godly people whether they are immaculately dressed or cute and quirky. I will probably read this post in 5 years time and find the positions have been reversed.

Please lay the table ..

2009-11-28T21:34:00.001Z

.. I asked my daughters yesterday. I just meant put out the knives, forks and make sure that the mats are all in the correct place. We were having guests so I didn't take much notice of what they were doing as I was putting the finishing touches to the dinner.

I noticed that they were going backwards and forwards from the Utility Room and Dining Room rather a lot but thought nothing of it. When I went into the Dining Room the table was beautiful. They had discovered the Christmas Runner for the table and found out some serviettes. All the knives and forks were the right way around and they had put the mats out symmetrically. The candles were decoratively placed in the middle of the table. They had done a lovely job and it was far more imaginative than if I had done the job.

Well done girls for your creative spirits. Please don't ever lose it.

Heaven and Hell, fact or fiction?

2009-11-26T13:02:00.003Z

Recently, I read this article posted by a friend on Facebook. It caused to make me think about why I believe in Heaven and why that belief gives me hope in this world.

As a Christian I believe my Salvation (and therefore my place in Heaven) is through the grace of God. I love the passage from Ephesians 2:1-10 which explains it better than I could. Jesus spoke a lot about Heaven and that is another reason that I believe it is a real place. He told the thief on the cross that he would go to Paradise that day. He explained to the disciples about the place He was going to prepare for those who believe in Him. Heaven to me is a place that I will go to when I die. I will serve and worship Jesus in my perfected self forever. I will not fail Him by my sinful ways, I will not struggle to come to terms with what my life brings my way, I will not cause others pain or hurt, I will always be joyful and many other things. I look forward to the place which is Heaven and can't wait to see how God has designed it.

I don't like to think of Hell but I also believe that is a real place. I believe with my whole heart that God is a God of love but He has other characteristics as well and one of those is Judge. It is not something I think about much but it is true (I believe). He is a righteous Judge and He will do what is right. If an earthly Judge has to make rulings on wrong-doing how much more so will the heavenly Judge. Sin cannot go unpunished and if we don't accept that Jesus took the penalty then we will have to do so ourselves.

For me believing in a real Heaven and Hell gives me hope in this life. When things are tough I can hold onto the believe that God is Love and He will do what is right. The realities also make me more aware of the need for me to go, be a light in a dark world and to tell people around me the good news of Jesus.

If you agree please let me know. If you don't then let me know as well. Please point me to Bible verse whatever you think so I can learn more.

Umm, truth being revealed?

2009-11-26T11:49:00.004Z

I am sure we will find out eventually what the truth behind the intelligence that sent us into war against Iraq is. I remembered I was uneasy at the time. OK, that is a slight understatement. I was against us going to war. I also remember having conversations with friends who tried to assure me that our then PM would not take our country into a war without basis or information that warranted it.

I have also learnt in the intervening years that whilst I may not agree with the Politics that sent our Military into war, I have to support those men and women. I am sure if I took a survey amongst the Military people I know I would get a wide range of different views on this topic.

So we wait for this report to be published in 2011 and then we may have a better idea what was really known about the WMD.

Just to say ....

2009-11-24T19:14:00.002Z

... the party was lovely. The girls (all 8 of them) were excited. I was pleased that I managed to walk 7 of them home from school safely. We had drinks and biscuits, then the birthday girl opened her presents and loved them all; including the nail varnish and lip-gloss one friend had bought her.

We then played a variety of different games with the usual kind of reactions from the participants. Some were just excited to join in, others complained a little whilst one had complete dramas when things didn't go her way. The other girls came around her and made sure she was OK. We managed to get through it though and everyone seemed happy at the end. The party food looked like a plague of locusts had descended by the end but all went away well fed. And I seemed to get away with a slice of cake and bag of chocolate buttons instead of party bags! Phew.

We shut the door behind the last guest and the peace descended. I didn't realise 8 girls could make so much noise.

As a family we went into operation 'tidy-up' to make the home presentable for the people coming to the Bible Study.

One less party to do. The next one is in January when 'the man about the house' celebrates the big 40. I am still getting over the shock that he has asked for a party.

I dreamed a dream

2009-11-20T13:42:00.002Z

Apparently, it is about 8 months ago that Susan Boyle first hit the UK TV screens. She came onto the 'Britian's got Talent' show and was written off because of her appearance. It was clear from the camera panning across the audience and judges exactly what they thought of her. It changed when she opened her mouth to sing. She sang 'I dreamed a dream' from Les Miserables. She wanted to become a famous singer like Elaine Paige.

Yesterday, it was reported that she has the biggest pre-order sales for an album on Amazon in its 14 year history. I hope the out-working of her dream works out really well for her.

I came across another dream the other day. From a very different lady. On the surface her dream was even more impossible that that of Susan Boyle. She was born in Africa and had about 1 year of education before being married at 11 years old to an abusive husband. Her life was changed and she began to dream. Her dreams have come true through hard work and determination. You can read her inspiring story here: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/15/opinion/15kristof.html?_r=1

I should never say never again and gain inspiration from these stories. I can dream a dream too.

Hair today, gone tomorrow!

2009-11-14T09:39:00.006Z

For reasons that don't need explaining at this conjuncture it took me until I was 38 years old to have the confidence to experiment with different hairstyles. Last year I had my very long (and very out of condition) curly hair cut to a lovely round short style.

Yesterday, I had my hair cut again but have gone even shorter. I love it. But what I love the most is the confidence to try different styles without having major traumas about it. If I have a style I don't like then who cares, it will grow back. I wish I had found this confidence years ago.

Remembrance

2009-11-09T22:08:00.002Z

For The Fallen
With proud thanksgiving, a mother for her children,
England mourns for her dead across the sea.
Flesh of her flesh they were, spirit of her spirit,
Fallen in the cause of the free.

Solemn the drums thrill; Death august and royal
Sings sorrow up into immortal spheres,
There is music in the midst of desolation
And a glory that shines upon our tears.

They went with songs to the battle, they were young,
Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow.
They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted;
They fell with their faces to the foe.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years contemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

They mingle not with their laughing comrades again;
They sit no more at familiar tables of home;
They have no lot in our labour of the day-time;
They sleep beyond England's foam.

But where our desires are and our hopes profound,
Felt as a well-spring that is hidden from sight,
To the innermost heart of their own land they are known
As the stars are known to the Night;

As the stars that shall be bright when we are dust,
Moving in marches upon the heavenly plain;
As the stars that are starry in the time of our darkness,
To the end, to the end, they remain.

The full text of the poem contains the words (in bold) that we quote each year at Remembrance Day Services. Yesterday afternoon, we watched the match of the Cadets, Scouts and Brownies. Later on the girls and myself went along to the War Memorial in town to watch the ceremony there. As we waited in the cold it struck me how much these men and women sacrificed for us; and that they still do.
Whatever, I think of the current political decisions that led our troops into war once again, I must support them and their families. I now live in a Military town and this is even more important than ever. These people have chosen this job and in doing so protect the interests of our Country. I am proud to stand by them.

Rediscovering Trust

2009-11-02T08:26:00.002Z

Last week we were on holiday and had a lovely time. We came back Saturday and had already made the decision that we would attend a different church on the Sunday morning. (We were going to take the Sunday evening off but the girls wanted to go as they didn't have to go to school on the Monday!)

We went to the church that meets across the road from us. When we moved to the town it met about 10 minutes walk away but they needed a bigger building. So now this town has two Churches either side of the road. When we got to church the children were dropped off in the Children's Church; we signed them in and were given half of a tagging system (which is still in my bag!) We then went back to the main church. It was good to be part of a larger church for a while again - no anonymity for us though as many recognised my husband and some knew me. We sat back and worshipped with the singing, praying and were encouraged by the testimonies of God working in the hearts of other Christians.

The message spoke to my heart. The pastor spoke from Judges 7 - Gideon choosing the army to fight the Midianites. God in His will whittled the men down to 300; according to the pastor the Israelite army was at the odds of 450 to 1. An impossible task indeed. We are intelligent 21st Century people and we know that is never going to work. However, God stepped in and the Israelites defeated the Midianites. The pastor encouraged us to think of areas in our lives where we needed to rediscover a trust in God. First in Salvation, then death and the section that spoke to me was living out the Christian life. At the moment I have a problem in my life that seems insurmountable. I truly cannot see any change. I have reacted in ways that haven't helped. The problem is my eldest daughter and her temper tantrums. I love her but I don't know how to stop them. This morning one was triggered because we told her that the school uniform required her to have grey trousers (she wanted black). This piece of information sent the breakfast bowl and cup of milk across the table. I am worn out by the length of time this has been going on for (many years in one form or another). Maybe, God allowed us to go to the other church just so we could hear that. It is impossible for us but He can defeat the tempers and bring back the delightful daughter that every one else sees. And if that doesn't happen then He can give me the courage to face this 'army'. I need to trust God and not just when the circumstances change.

There are other areas that the sermon spoke to but for now that is enough soul-bearing.

The blogging habits of the man indoors.

2009-10-23T19:37:00.002+01:00

My husband uses the Internet for a myriad of reasons. He emails, he keeps up-to-date with news, theology, Christian Thinking, music, he orders things from the Internet, etc.

He also uses the Internet to build and maintain his friendships. He has a group of very good and close friends, without them he would flounder and sink (especially this year!). He keeps in touch with one friend from his Bible College days. They mourn, commiserate, laugh, insult each other, tease out theological truths etc. The large bulk of their friendship is conducted via the Internet due to the geographical distance between them.

One thing they started about a year ago is to post on their blogs songs that they like - they posted 25 each. After that they have posted 15 books. They take it in turns and write a little blurb as to why they like the song or book and/or what it means to them. Apparently, they have a lot of other catergories ready for future blogging. I am quite impressed by persistence in these particular blogs.

Another Confession (perhaps I should become Catholic!)

2009-10-22T17:22:00.004+01:00

Oh, dear. One of my daughters whines a lot. She can wake up whining. She can go to bed whining. She can whine about breakfast. She can whine about dinner. About everything. About anything. Well, you get the idea with that.

(A digression: We went to her Parent's Evening last night and spoke to her teacher who described a happy, enthusiastic, cheerful, friendly, clever, intelligent child I am pleased to report.)

Today, I picked her up from school and she was complaining of feeling ill; not an uncommon event. I have to say I wasn't entirely convinced. The little smiles (you know the ones) weren't helping me either!

We got home and the whining carried on. The monologues of 'How nobody understands.' etc etc etc. And the volume got louder. A sign she isn't feeling that unwell usually. She kept saying she was going to be sick. My children have a blue-print for being ill (one that they worked out together on a subliminal level): They go off their food, they get a slight temperature, they are quiet, listless and need to snuggle on the sofa. She had decided to rewrite the blue-print so I didn't think she was really ill. Until, that was, she was actually sick.

And then I felt really bad. The mummy-guilt kicked in at full throttle. My girl was poorly and I had ignored her. I have told her that the whining will be like the boy who cried Wolf and that is what happened today. I am hoping that we can use this incident as a way to help her out of the whining.

At the moment I feel like parenting will be added to my list of failures. I really need that holiday we are due to go on on Saturday. Ho, hum.

At a tangent: If anyone has any tips on how to divert the habit then I will gratefully receive them.

Confession

2009-10-19T14:19:00.002+01:00

I am reading through the Bible in a year. The scheme was devised by a friend of a friend. Basically, we started at Genesis and will finish in Revelation. I have found it good but also extremely challenging. The past 15 months of my life have been full of massive adjustment, and through some of the most difficult parts I was stuck in the Major and Minor Prophets of the Old Testament. I have found them hard, I have questioned the relevance of some of the more technical sections for Christianity today and I have come through reading them with lots of questions. I found it hard to find much joy in them.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I started the New Testament the other day. Am I the only Christian who struggles to make parts of the Old Testament make sense? I can't align the parts when God calls for destruction of peoples etc with the commandment not to murder.

If anyone, has any insight I would love to hear it. If anyone, feels the same way then please tell me. If you feel I am on the verge of becoming a liberal then please be gentle with me.

The Masked Sparrow

Rest

Parenting: My kind of freedom.

Perseverance and the hope of Christ

A quote about Marriage.

How did that rabbit get in my front room?

Re-train my brain

Things I love about Christmas

The Slide that I wish I could put on the Church Powerpoint

Whose job is it?

A Book a Day keeps the cobwebs away.

Lest we forget.

Fancy a Blackberry?

Getting into a pickle.

Spray on Shoes

Wise Women and my Great Auntie

Forgiveness and the Image of God

I finally did it!

I love the sea

Home is where the heart is.

Don't interrupt me, I am reading a book.

The Great Bake-off.

Mummy saves the day.

Is Jesus focused on Sin?

Adoption

In His Shoes

There is nothing new under the sun

I did it!

Sponsored Run

Big But

Achievements planned for 2011 - Updated.

Today is national delurking day!

Dear Elliot

'The Silence'

Nick's Carol

Baby blues

My youngest Christmas Play 2010

Nostalgia

Dedicated to my husband.

Not my daughters?!

Prayer

Tightning the Purse Strings

Adoption

Big Girls

I dunno.

Hard-nosed Cynicism or the gift of Discernment?

Puzzled

Life begins at 40!

My Grumpy Old Women moment

Operation Cost Cutting

Have a laugh on me.

The Competition

Whew, that's a relief

'It's an Abstract Painting, Mummy.'

Diet conundrum

These are a few of my pet peeves.

Photo which made my youngest daughter laugh most of the week.

I got rhythm

Indecisions abound

An over-developed knee muscle

Surf board to the ready.

These are a few of my favourite things.

Belly fat is my friend

Beauty in a Modern World

Easter

Why do I bother?

Some Light Relief

A thought for this week.

"Never question in the dark what God has shown you in the light."

It is time to keep on plodding on and do some good old-fashioned preaching to myself. The trouble is I don't like what I am telling myself to do but wallowing in misery isn't an option either.

I have managed to keep up with the exercise and feel better for it. I am reading Oswald Chambers and find the thoughts good for me at this time.

I am off to a Conference for the weekened and am looking forward to balm for the soul.

New Challenge

Day 6 & 7 - Success from failure?

Day 5 - Who let the grump out?

Day 4 - Unremarkable Day

Day 3 - A Comedy of Errors

Day 2

Busy Bees

Random jottings of a deranged mind.